Like so many other bloggers, I’ve become obsessed with my Stats Page. To the point where I have to remind myself that yesterday’s stats won’t change, no matter how many times I check them. And having told myself that, I check them again anyway. (I use the old Stats Page, because it has yesterday’s stats. And because I hate the new one.)
But the most interesting bit of the Stats Page is what I find under Search Engine Terms. This is where I see what people really want to know about Britain. Or about Americans in Britain. Or about life, poor dears, and then they get shunted in my direction and who knows what happens to them next. Nothing good, I’m sure.
Before we get to the list, I should admit that I’ve edited out the most sensible entries. This isn’t sociology, kids. We’re trying to have fun here, so settle down in the back row. Pay attention.
I’ve left the spelling and capitalization as I found them. When they think no one’s watching, most people are as lazy about capitalization as I am. Of course, it’s possible that either search engines or WordPress turns everything into lower case and the handful of capital letters are only there because I imported them without noticing. Either way, we’re becoming nations of illiterates.
Sad, isn’t it?
Enough. Here’s the list.
british english obsessed with the letter U
tea in motion
slang used today
beech loses sand
lemon drizzle cake american measurements
guy with a camera
lemon drizzle cake notes
why does cnn anchors talk with accent
musical quavers and crotchets
manners American
musical notes in British
uk.com sex (this showed up two days in a row; don’t ask; don’t even think about it)
american chocolate chip cookies uk
what should we do to show good manners in public places in britain (twice in one day, once without the S in manners)
show good maner in public place in britain
What do we learn here?
- That what Americans most want to learn about Britain involves lemon drizzle cake, which, sadly, they won’t learn here since we pretty solidly established that the recipe I posted wasn’t a true lemon drizzle cake but some other kind of lemon cake in disguise. In its defense, it was measured in cups.
- That what people who could be from anywhere most want to know about Britain has to do with good manners and musical notation. In the case of manners, they sound a bit desperate. I feel bad about that, because I can’t think I’ve been much use on the subject. I’m not sure what subject I have been much use on. I’m nervous about being made an Authority, even if it’s by something as arbitrary as a search engine.
- That somebody wants to know about American manners and assumes we have some.
- That a lot of strange stuff gets typed into Google and that some of it gets shunted here for no apparent reason. Guy with a camera? Have the words guy and camera even showed up in my posts?
And what could we teach, if anyone who asked was listening? That CNN anchors talk with an accent because if human beings stop talking with accents they don’t talk at all. It’s like breath: no breath, no speech; no accent, no words.
And the uk.com sex query? That sounds a bit desperate, and it makes me want to know what have you lot up to when I wasn’t looking.
Guy with a camera?? Huh.
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Yup. It baffled me.
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I, too, keep going back to the old stats page. The new one is far too confusing to me. Stats are obsessing, and yes, the search engine terms can sometimes be so random. Although I must say that mine are pretty much focused on anything to do with the words “tall” and “height”. I get a lot of encrypted ones, so no idea what those were about, but sometimes mind boggles: “large women email”, “what height is good for singers”, “marion hossen” (who on earth he is and how this got the user onto my blog – no idea!); “the rock smile”, etc. :-)
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What height is good for singers? As long as the singer goes from the feet all the way up to the mouth–and probably to the top of the head–that should do it, don’t you think?
Human beings are truly bizarre.
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Weird, I know. And amusing.
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Honestly the search terms bit is the only reason I check my stats regularly. It’s always amusing. And baffling. My recent favourite was “picture of a lion ripping up a pig”. I still cannot fathom how that brought someone to my blog. I might have to write about it, maybe even draw it, just to fulfil that searchers Google terms.
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It’s just a bit scary thinking about why someone wanted that picture. But sure, all those search terms give us something (bizarre) to live up to.
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I was once searching for a casing for my DSLR that would protect it from water and from bashes. I googled the words rubber, camera and case and was horrified at the images that appeared. Things I can never unsee. I quickly stopped googling and never did find the thing I was hoping to find.
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Some things it’s better to live without.
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It’s a shame Google no longer shows specific search terms for most searches. It used to be very entertaining browsing my search term stats, but nowadays not so much anymore.
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This is hilarious! “american chocolate chip cookies uk.” Do they want American cookies or UK cookies? Make up your mind!
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Or American chocolate chip cookies in the U.K.?
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Ah yes I see it now. It could be that.
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Some friends and I used to daydream about starting a 24-hour-a-day chocolate chip cookie delivery service. It’s just as well we never did, because we’d have eaten all our wares–half of them before we got them into the oven. But maybe it has a future in the U.K.
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Sounds like a delicious idea! It’s a shame you didn’t go through with it. Though you are probably right. The temptation to eat all of the cookies would be pretty high.
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We’d never have gotten them delivered. We once ate an entire batch of dough before we even turned the oven on.
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Sometimes I copy and paste the search terms from my stats page into a search engine and see if I can find my blog in the same way that person did. Usually I get bored after searching through 10 pages with no hints of my actual site and I’m more puzzled than ever as to how they found me through the terms they used!
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I hadn’t thought of that. It makes the whole thing even stranger.
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Just taking my stats-page checking obsessions to a whole new level!
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Oh, good. I feel like I’ve accomplished something today.
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AH yes, the ever endearing Search Terms. I’ve always enjoyed those although I don’t check my stats near as often as I used to.
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It’s good to know someone broke the addiction. I may have to turn to you for advice.
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Like all addictions, it’s a hard one to break lol
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But less expensive than most.
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True lol
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I’m always fascinated by the countries represented on my stats page. That stat makes me feel worthwhile for some reason.
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Me too, although I don’t know what the reason is either.
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I can’t imagine why someone in South Korea would be interested in my poem about wood rot.
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Maybe they have a serious problem with wood rot there? Or your poem transcends cultures?
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Yes, wood rot has that effect on people across the globe.
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The connection between wood rot and poetry is, I believe, well known.
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Well so many things rhyme with both wood and rot. It’s a natural.
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You’ve inspired me to actually write a poem about wood rot. I linked to you.
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Okay, I’ll come out publicly about this: I am the muse of wood rot. It’s not something I’ve told anyone before.
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Well someone had to take up the mantle.
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The mantle’s the only thing that tempted me into it. I’ve always been a sucker for a mantle.
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No crown. Just moulding.
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Groan. Which (I should add) is a compliment when a pun’s involved.
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I hoped for a groan.
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What I’d like to know, of late, is what do Brits think of Downton Abbey?” Personally, it’s become my all time top series. British actors are the best and the writing is without fault–at least in my Virginian opinion.
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Funny you should ask, because less than two hours ago a friend was saying she’d just rewatched a whole swathe of them. She loves the show. Other people I know are less impressed and talk about seeing the past through rose-colored glasses. So my unscientific report is that you get the full range of opinion.
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In my humble opinion, a lot of people are missing the main point, which is a demonstration of what happens when times begin to change fairly abruptly–where the old social order is being torn from its strong moorings to be replaced by the new. It is the irresistible force colliding with the (almost) immovable object. This will happen again to our order, and you can bet your teapot on it. :D
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I would truly hate to lose my teapot, because I paid £1 for it at a boot sale and it’s beautiful. And because I smashed its predecessor to smithereens, so I’m protective about it. But I have the feeling we’re living in that sort of time, or right before it, although what’s coming next is anyone’s guess.
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I just blogged yesterday about my search engine traffic. Absolutely astounding how people find our websites.
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Send us a link, will you? I dropped in on your blog, but the post didn’t jump out at me and god help me I don’t want to try using a search engine to find it.
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http://skipahsrealm.com/introducing-the-sunny-leone-blog/
Here you go!
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These are also weirder than mine. (See Motherhendiaries’ comment.) I’m feeling really, really bad about this.
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Bahahaha! Who would have thought Americans were so into lemon drizzle cake, anyway? What is WITH that? Actually, I just had a look at some of my own “search terms” and it is a little distressing, actually… some things are pretty self-evident, if poorly spelled. But then, there are apparently a lot of people wanting to know about “fat harry middle age wemen” (I am not, as it happens, particularly hairy. Just saying…..). And then there was someone doing a search for “my fantasy proctologic exam”. It was almost enough to put me off blogging full stop… One word: EEEEWWWWWW. Some people…
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Yours are much weirder than mine. I’m crushed.
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Hang in their Ellen plenty of weirdness in the world you will get your own slice of it.
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Oh, it’s not that I haven’t gotten a slice, just that I’m greedy.
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You can have ’em, Ellen… :-) :-) :-)
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You have to admit, they make for a good story.
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They do iindeed, Ellen… kind of a creepy story, but a story nonetheless!! :-)
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I mainly get searches for sausage and when I lived in Latvia, it was all about naked Latvians ;)
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Right. Of course.
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Did you blog about Latvia (where I was born)? I found my way to your post about taking the bus from Latvia to Germany, but couldn’t seem to back up to any LV posts. I’d love to read about your experiences and impressions.
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I’m not sure BerLinda’s reading the comments here. If she doesn’t reply in a day or so, you might try this on her blog.
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Thanks, Will do…
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Ha, you might regret saying that but here you go! It’s expateyeonlatvia.wordpress.com
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Thanks! Looks like fun from a very quick glance. Not altogether sentimental about the birthplace, just curious. Can’t wait to find time to dig a bit further. :)
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Let me know what you think ;) There’s very little sentiment there, but it did cause quite a stir among the natives ;) I had half the country telling me to ‘get the fuck out’ at one stage ;) I ignored them :)
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Whew. I’ll have to check this out when I have some time.
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It got kind of intense for a while there :)
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What have I been missing out on? I am so new to this blogging biz that I never even checked that part of the stats page. Hmmm… best go check right now!
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I don’t think the new stats page includes them. Go to the bottom of the page, click on Old Stats Page (or something like that) and then look down the left-hand column for Search Engine Terms (or something like that).
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I actually did and am so boring, I’ve a mere 2 unknown search terms… LOL
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Some days that’s all I get. Keep checking. It’ll get strange eventually, I promise.
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I went back MONTHS! Nuthin’! Ah well… now I shall become obsessed and check more. Thanks a lot!
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How do you find it for months back? All I’ve found is a listing for the current day and yesterday.
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Hmmm… maybe I was looking at it wrong. I changed my view to months instead of weeks or days… the numbers didn’t change – d’oh!
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Ah. I think this explains it.
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I do prefer the old stats. I love looking through the search terms and wondering what people thought when they got to my site based on that search.
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I’ve wondered that too. I’m guessing it’s something along the lines of What????
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Pretty sure the one about tea in motion was a baffled science student trying to understand Brownian motion. Wasn’t tea involved in that scientific discovery? Or am I confusing it with Newton and the apple? Whatever … I honestly don’t understand the complaints about the new stats page. I love it, and of course you can find yesterday’s stats, in detail! Plus consolidated them by week, month or year. No, of course I’m not obsessed with my stats page. Hmph and phooey. Although I do confess to a little game I play called “Can I get more visitors this month than last month?”
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I not only don’t know if tea was involved in Brownian motion, I don’t know what Brownian motion is. Tea I’m familiar with, and my understanding is that it doesn’t move without some help. But maybe that’s just my limited understanding of the world.
I’m glad somebody likes the new stats page, since I can’t believe they’ll change it back.
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Here you go… You will never look at a cup of tea in quite the same way again!
http://io9.com/5849127/how-the-drunkards-walk-changed-physics
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My life has changed completely.
I won’t claim that I understood that, but I can at least rough out the space around the idea I’m not quite grasping. Science, sadly, was always like that for me, and math was worse. That part hasn’t changed.
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Pingback: An update on search engine terms | Notes from the U.K.
Hilarious! And yes, we do manners differently in the UK – apparently! :)
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Pingback: Notes from the U.K. inspires a poem | Notes from the U.K.
I’m laughing because I know I’ve been there, but seeing THIS is even funnier than watching my own Stats page!
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We should all pool them somewhere.
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laughing. love this! in the olden days of internet etiquette, using caps was synonomous with yelling, and considered rude. and it was slower for online chatting. this is why some people
avoid caps. spelling went by the wayside in the interests of speed, u for you, 2 for too/to/two etc. and new words were made up like, meh to express emotions easily. i love seeing how internet technology and use changes the way we communicate. I am kinda partial to no caps, made up words, and general illiteracy though. ;) Oh and i love being inconsistent, using and not using caps, and making typos. I like to envision all my old eng lit profs searching for their red pens to correct my P’s & Q’s in dire frustration because they can’t correct me! ;)
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When I think no one’s watching, I do tend to type entirely in lowercase. Almost. My reflexes do still cap some things. Instinct’s a hard thing to get around.
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Hi Ellen,
1 thank you so much for the follow! I’m touched!
2. I’m impressed that you have 85 comments on this post. What an engaged community. May I ask how long you have been blogging?
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I’ve been blogging since June of last year, so eight months. (I just checked my stats page; I couldn’t remember.) I love the comments–they’re the best part of blogging.
I meant to thank you for including my post in your linky thing but I was too rude to do it after your last comment. So: thank you. Much appreciated.
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Makes you wonder if they ever got what they were looking for. Or at least learned to define it more clearly.
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It sure does. Based on my own experience as a not very good researcher, I’m inclined to think they didn’t.
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I’m reading the new chapter of your book and absolutely loving it!! Hope you find some time for mine…
XO
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Thanks for letting me know that. I don’t usually read fiction on the screen–for me, it’s very much a crash-on-the-couch sort of thing–but I will have to make some time.
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Oh, I agree. I love the feeling of turning pages one by one. It’s romantic, relaxing for the eyes and nostalgic. Have never read an e-book!
Would like to order your book. Can I order it straight from you or do you earn the same whether it’s through Amazon, etc?
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I’d go for the etc. route, myself. I don’t sell it msyelf, and whenever possible, I don’t use Amazon–they’re a monster. I can’t remember where you live. If you’re in the U.S., you can get it from the publisher. If you’re elsewhere in the world, you probably will have to use Amazon.
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In Finland. Thanks for the answer. XX
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Right. Of course. I knew that–I read a section of your novel and enjoyed it–except of course that I also didn’t know it. I end up carrying on some many conversations more or less simultaneously that I lose track of what the subject is, and occasionally even who I’m talking to. Apologies.
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Thank you for your answer. Honored by any of your attention. :))
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Now I want lemon drizzle cake.
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I’ll fax you some.
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