Breaking news: Pineapples are dangerous.
Okay, that’s not exactly breaking news. The BBC covered it on the 14th and it’s the 15th as I type this. But for Notes? That counts as instantaneous coverage.
Here’s as much sense as I can make of the story: It’s music festival season in Britain, when music lovers pay money to set up tents in muddy fields, ingest various substances, legal and illegal, and listen to their favorite bands play so loud that they damage their own and the audience’s eardrums.
Okay, I haven’t been to any festivals. I admit that. I’m so old that if I showed up people would turn to each other and ask, “What’s she doing here?” So I’m guessing at most of it. Except for the mud. That I have on good authority.
Managing a crowd that size has to be at the back of the organizers’ minds. How do we make sure no one gets hurt? How do we handle food, sanitation, trash collection? So among other things, they issue lists of banned items–things you can’t bring in.
The Reading and Leeds festivals have added pineapples to their list, putting them right up there with weapons, drones, fireworks, glass, gas canisters, non-service animals, and paper lanterns. The BBC explains, “Organisers said it was because fans of Oxford band Glass Animals bring hundreds of the fruit to its gigs, in a nod to song ‘Pork Soda’ which includes the lyrics ‘pineapples are in my head.’ ”
Does that explain anything to you? Me neither. A spokesman for the festivals said, “The tongue may be slightly in cheek on this one.”
Or possibly not. You’ll have to show up with one to find out. The festivals run from August 25 to 27. Hurry.
My thanks to Deb for drawing my attention to this important story.
maybe it is one of those things that people put in to see if anyone reads the rules?
mind you…I wouldn’t want to be poked by a pineapple at close quarters…
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And it turned out that everyone read the rules….
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Well…there’s a first time for everything!
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I should imagine that a pineapple swung with force could do a lot of damage, even if it’s not of the tinned variety.
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Especially if you run a heavy cord or chain through it and use it like a mace.
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Very medieval. :-)
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I thought so too.
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Can I bring a service pineapple?
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Only if I’m on the gate. If it’s someone else, I’d advise you to sit down and eat it outside the gate.
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Do you know what this entry made me do?
Yep, search ‘.. banned from festivals’ to see what other nuggets there were.
A story appeared on page 3 of the search results (I was that dedicated, the first two pages were stories about pineapples too…) that flares were likely to be banned at ALL festivals soon. It was on Buzzfeed. Under ‘Politics’.
All very strange so I did what they want you to do and clicked it. What could be the reason for banning wide-bottomed trousers I thought? What dangers (apart from only being ‘in fashion’ once in my lifetime so far and a possible tripping hazard to either you or someone within a foot of you) could they pose?
The answer was simple. Not flares as in ‘look, my trousers are so wide at the bottom you can’t see I’m not wearing the right brand of trainers today’ but flares, as in ‘help, we’re nearly drowning over here, send help…’
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I wish I’d thought to look for other banned items. I hereby award you the Comment of the Week prize, which I only just made up so it covers a very long week. But as someone who wore flares back when they were in style (and for a good long while afterwards, since it took me a decade or two to notice they’d gone out of fashion), I want to testify that they are dangerous. I once ran up one leg with the other foot while trying to catch the Lake Street bus. So a help-me flare to go with the flares? That’s just good planning.
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Your never too old for festivals.😁 Everyone should get to Glastonbury at least once 😁
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Y’know, I don’t really feel much of an itch to go. How about you take my place?
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maybe they’ll get into a pineapple fight??? don’t go. they’ll put your eye out.
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I can’t imagine they’d be easy to throw, but I might get speared by one that was supposed to hit someone else, right? It’s a dangerous world out there.
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Sounds nuts to me. But then they’d have banned nuts.
I went to a gig years ago (can’t remember where, but it wasn’t outdoor) and was allowed to take in my full bottle of volvic, but without the lid. I mean, wtf is that all about?!
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Oh, probably to protect you from swallowing the bottle cap in all the excitement.
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It must be about those semi-sharp protrusions of the fruit. They should ban breathing too eh? 🤔
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Possibly, but not until they’ve paid to get in.
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Considering the British proclivity to expressing themselves by throwing produce, may I also suggest that they ban watermelons?
I recall that when I was in England during election season in the 70’s, the front page of a tabloid was divided into quarters, each containing a photograph of the future prime minister labeled egg #1, egg #2, egg #3 and egg #4.
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This is probably unrelated, but in New Zealand if you call someone an egg you’ve insulted them. I have no idea why, but you have.
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Assault with a deadly pineapple! (Or, to quote a line from poet Dave Brinks, “death is a pineapple.”)
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Death is a pineapple? How come no one’s told me this before now?
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It’s on that hidden track in the Tibetan Book of the Dead.
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I thought you had to be dead to read that. Which explains why I haven’t bothered yet.
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I can’t even. Pineapples are delicious and no more pokey than a .. well, a pineapple. That’s newsworthy, Ellen, yep.
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Absolutely newsworthy. The world’s coming unglued, the U.S. is facing well-armed Nazis, and I’m writing about pineapples.
What’s wrong with this picture?
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Er, thanks for keepin it light. I prefer your news.
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I do understand, but it’s getting to feel more and more bizarre, as if I was constructing a parallel universe.
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I don’t believe a word of this. You’ve made it all up. Nice try to hoodwink the masses with your drivel. Shame on you. I’m now ready for tea and biscuits.
Putting the kettle on.
You coming…?
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I wish I could make this stuff up. Sadly, I’m just not that good. Or that crazy, maybe. But a cuppa tea? I’m on my way.
Remind me. How far from Cornwall are you?
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In WWII the slang for handgrenades was pineapples. Maybe that is what they are thinking. Might be a veteran making up the rules.
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I can’t help picturing an exploding fruit salad, but I don’t suppose that’s what they’re worried about.
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I cannot help but feel a little note (tone?) of regret there. Or at least curiosity. I’d love to take you to a festival and show you what fun it can be in the right hands. Even without fruit.
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Oddly enough, I don’t really feel any regret about it. The joke about being too old was–well, it was as close as I could come to a better joke that kept sliding out of reach. The better one also had something to do with my age but–well, it wouldn’t been funnier but it never did quite come together. Basically, I’m just not happy with that many people all at once. I need time and space to pull back. But I do appreciate your thought. Really.
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Interestingly. I also don’t like many people at once. For example, every time I visit Fontana di Trevi, I wish I was water. Basically, I prefer everything else in nature to humans. But when there is music and many people who like it, something beautiful happens. I’m not trying to convince you, just speaking my feelings.
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I like it.
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Hand grenades should not be allowed
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Spoilsport.
I was going to make a joke about the American right to keep and bear arms, but with what’s going on over there right now the fun’s kind of gone out of that joke.
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It certainly has
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Well, a pineapple is also a slang term for a hand grenade and these days…?
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I would’ve thought they’d covered that under “weapons.” But hey, what do I know?
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That’s okay. I know even less.
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Just be careful with those fruit salads, okay?
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Absolutely. Now, I’m off to pick some fresh blackberries and figs… :)
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Hilarious 😆
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It’s a hilarious world out there–when we’re not all in tears over it.
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We have to keep our sense of humor!
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The kids keep trying to get me to go to festivals. They spend the entire summer in various ones.
I keep refusing – because festivals of their nature require camping.
In a tent. In the semi-wilderness. With a bunch of other people who may or may not be hopped up on one substance or another.
My idea of roughing it is a hotel without an indoor pool attached.
And now I have to warn them about pineapple abuse. What’s this world coming to?
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Yes, do talk to your children about pineapples before someone else does. It doesn’t matter how old they are, they need to hear this from you.
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You can’t make this stuff up. Incredible! 🙂
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It’s a damn shame, but I can’t.
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Ha-ha! And, how will I ever look at a pineapple the same way again? 😅
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That raises the question of how you’ve been looking at pineapples. Can you truly say you’ve looked at them without lust in your–no, I guess it’s not the heart. Your stomach? Are any of us truly pure? Wouldn’t we all be better people if we thought a bit more about our appetites?
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😀
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