The currents of the internet wash search engine questions to all shores, but here at Notes we (and by we, of course, I mean I) read them through to divine what it is that people really want to know about Britain.
What do you need to know about these questions? Most of them are boring and repetitious. We’ll skip those. A few aren’t boring but are repetitious. If I can find some new way to answer them, I will. I don’t guarantee accuracy. I don’t even guarantee sanity. Enter at your own risk.
I assume that the people who ask these things don’t stick around to find out what I have to say, so I won’t hurt their feelings if I’m a wiseass. If they do, I’m going to gamble that they won’t remember what they asked so they’ll think I’m being a wiseass about someone else’s question. And if I’m wrong about both those things, I apologize. I type equally odd things into search engines and wash up on different shores.
I’ve reproduced the questions in all their oddity.
Britain and England
why do people call britain england
Because when England got married to Scotland it changed its last name. That was the tradition back then, and this was before anyone now alive was born, so don’t feel bad about not being invited to the wedding. I didn’t get to go either.
But England had mixed feelings about the name change and used England prominently as a middle name, as people sometimes do when they don’t want to outright challenge tradition but do want to make a vague gesture in the direction of maintaining their own identity. The result has been all sorts of confusion. Quid est demonstrandum, which is Latin for I’m going to the demonstration. Do you have a quid so I can put some petrol in the car?
A quid is British for a buck, which is American for a dollar, only the British are talking about a pound, even though no one measures petrol in pounds and ounces, only in gallons or liters.
And petrol is British for gas. Gas is British for–
Never mind.
You can tell how old that translation is by its assumption that you can get anywhere on a quid’s worth of petrol.
I hope I’ve cleared things up.
when was england called great britain
If the search engine questions that wash ashore here are anything to judge by, just about daily, so that’ll take the present tense, please.
reson of great britain being called
Need of its attention gotten being.
Debtors prisons
why were people sent to debtors prison in 1600 england
Well, it’s complicated, so let’s simplify it: They were in debt. And couldn’t pay. And whoever they owed money to got touchy about it. And the law allowed them to have people tossed into prison for debt, so they did.
debtors prison jobs
You’re too late. This is no longer a viable career option.
The mysteries of British culture and history
why is it offensive to put 2 fingers up
That depends in large part on what you put them up. Please send details and I’ll explain.
free printable notes for king alfred the great
King Alred the Great is dead. He’s no longer accepting notes–free, paid, printed, or hand lettered on vellum. If you read the fine print of the handbook Once You’re Dead, it explains all this. And, oh, so much more.
If, however, we’re talking about notes in the British sense, as in paper money, you should understand that they’re free and printable because they’re not legal tender. In other words, you can’t buy anything with them–no cigarettes, no ice cream, no face masks. But as long as we’re clear on that, I’m sure we can find some washing around the internet. You can find everything on the internet.
Finally, if we’re talking about notes as in what you should’ve written down in class so you could pass the test, then (a) you should’ve written them down in class and (b) you might want to break with tradition and find a decent book (or even a decent encyclopedia entry) instead of gamblling on someone else’s notes.
why are we called great britain
Because we have (somewhere, although I haven’t gone looking for any lately) free printable notes for King Alfred the Great. It doesn’t get any greater than that.
why do british have dogs
So they don’t have to bark themselves.
Or is this a trick question?
how to develop a british sense of humor
If you have to ask, you can’t.
britain went metric
It did. And froggy went a-courtin’. Is there a connection? A lot of people out there would like you to think there isn’t, but it looks awfully convenient to me.
king john hawley
He wasn’t a relative. Sorry. My father changed his name from Hurwitz twenty-some years after an immigration official on Ellis Island changed his father’s from Gurievich. That’s as far back as I can trace the sequence, but I’m sure it made other twists and turns without ever getting us close enough to a king for us to have given him Covid-19, or whatever its era-appropriate equivalent was.
In the interests of full disclosure, I should say that there never has been a king named John Hawley. Anywhere.
how to be an aristocrat
Get born in the right family.
upper class people don’t drink coffee
For all I know this could be true, although I doubt it. Either way, I’m proud to say they don’t hang out with the likes of me. Or vice versa.
how did the catholic church feel about women in medieval england
It had a built-in problem with women. On the one hand, it wasn’t crazy about them. They were (almost) everything the (theoretically) celibate males who ran the church weren’t supposed to think about. The rest of what they weren’t supposed to think about? Men. Children. Animals. Footwear. Anything else their hormones might suggest in an appealing way.
But it was women who officially represented sex, which–forget my earlier list–is really what the (theoretically) celibate males who ran the church weren’t supposed to think about. So when the (theoretically) celibate males sang “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things,” women weren’t low on the list, they didn’t get onto the list at all. Because it would mean they were thinking about them.
But according to the church’s holy book, god told humans to go make more humans, and the male half of humanity couldn’t do that without the female half. And just to complicate things, their god’s mother had been a female.
So yeah, they had a hard time with this.
Brussels sprouts
from what country did brussel sprouts originate
The one that plays host to Brussels.
+where did brussell sprouts get it’s name from?
Brussels.
brussel sprouts and christianity as a religion
Christianity is a religion. Brussels sprouts are not a religion. Next question.
Etc.
how do us mailboxes work
Well, you drop a letter in and someone comes along in a truck and picks it up, along with all the new friends it’s made, and they all get carried to a sorting station. As long as your letter has a stamp and an address, it gets separated from its friends, who are going other places, and gets sent on its way. This is sad, but it makes new friends on the journey, so it’s not too sad.
Or did I misunderstand the question? I answered how do U.S. mailboxes work? but maybe this was a mailbox asking how do us mailboxes work? Apologies. Everything you need to know is in Section 41B, subsections iii through xvi of the Mailbox Handbook.
Technically, though, that should be, how do we mailboxes work?
Have you ever wondered whose bright idea it was to name a country us? It’s as bad as naming a newspaper i–which someone has–so that to quote it you have to write, “i says,” or, “According to i.”
Anyway, since you’d say “we work,” not “us work,” you’re supposed to say how do we mailboxes work? not how do us mailboxes work?
You’re welcome.
tulpan i kruka
I didn’t recognize the language here–in fact, I wasn’t sure it was language, as opposed to gibberish–so in my relentless search for blog fodder I asked Lord Google about it and he told me it’s Swedish and means tulip in a pot.
Well, of course it does. We talk about that all the time here.
Interestingly enough, when I typed in the phrase that led some hapless soul to Notes, Lord G. didn’t refer me to myself. That’s not unreasonable, since I never used the phrase, don’t speak Swedish, had just failed the do-you-recognize-Swedish? test, and don’t have much to say about tulips in pots, so I rank low on the list of experts.
About many things.
Still , Lord G. did refer someone here using that key phrase. I have no explanation to offer.
birds speaking english
No matter where birds are born, human speech is at best a second language for them. Mostly, they speak bird.
birds speaking english for sale
Oh, hell. This is starting to sound ominous.
I always love these posts, and right now needed the chuckle it gave me, so thank you. I suppose I should thank the people who asked the questions too, since this post wouldn’t exist without them, but they probably aren’t around to be thanked, and likely aren’t interested in my grattitude for starting my day by being amused by their questions anyhow. If I’m wrong though, and they happen to be here and care how I feel… Well, then they can have my thanks too. Right now I have enough of it to go around, since there’s quite a shortage of things to be grateful for these days.
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If they are around, I should probably send them an apology along with your thanks. I convince myself that they swoop through and leave, which leaves me free to be a heartless wiseass.
Sending whatever good wishes and cheer I can scrape up around here. Take care.
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Where did you father’s family come from, before they were at Ellis Island? (I am nosy and I like family histories)
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Family histories fascinate me too. They came from a town (I think quite a small one) called Rosava, in what was then Russia. It was in the Ukraine and I have no idea what country it belongs to now. Ukraine? Russia? First one then the other?
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Apparently it also gives it name to a Ukrainian make of tyre, so currently Ukraine!
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What, Rosava does? How did you find that out? Or is it just something you happen to know?
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I cant remember if I answered you, so forgive me if I did…I looked it up on Google, Lord Google as you like to call “him”.
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I’m oddly relieved that such a strange bit of information wasn’t just hanging around at the back of your head. That’s now almost the only thing I know about Rosava. Why I never googled it I have no idea. I will.
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Yes, that would have been pretty freakish!
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I’m surprised that England/Great Britain/the United Kingdom is such a mystery to the rest of the world. It all makes such perfect sense. The sense of humour thing is tough, though.
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It all makes perfect sense if you know a bit of the history. Or the geography. If you don’t, though, and if you don’t think to dig that out, you look at a country with multiple names and think, “Why don’t they make up their minds?” And that, too, surprisingly, makes a kind of sense–at least if you’re inside it.
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Wonderful stuff! One of these days I’ll have to look up the search engine queries that send people to my site. It might provide the inspiration I’m desperately lacking just now.
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Staying motivated in the midst of a global meltdown isn’t simple, is it? Stay well over there.
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As I always say, as a UK citizen from birth, I would fail the British citizenship test.
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A lot of people have told me that.
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Tha Catholic church and how they feel women … sorry, how they feel ABOUT women … what a cracking post Ellen, that particular segment had me in stiches. I do love how you weave humour through your posts. If I were on ‘Desert Island Discs’ my luxury item would be, ‘The Complete Works of Ellen Hawley’.
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Oh, you silver tongued devil. I just got (yet another) rejection on a new manuscript, so it’s a nice time for a compliment. Many thanks.
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I always enjoy these posts. I think Lord Google sends people to you when he doesn’t have a clue. “Oh, let Ellen figure this out, it’s worked in the past.”
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I will leave an extra-large offering of data at his virtual door for that. He has indeed been good to me.
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Is it called Great Britain to differentiate it from the lesser known Not So Great Britain? Or, maybe from Little Britain?
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The first. Not So Great Britain is also called NSGB, and the fact that it’s unpronounceable has ensured that it’s also Not So Well Known Britain.
I should probably knock off for the day, don’t you think?
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Not sure. Does CV19 have a mental component to it? If so, you might want to get checked. If you don’t like checks, maybe a bright paisley?
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Oh, paisley, definitely, and thanks for thinking of that.
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To the tune of “Wouldn’t it be Loverly”
Here I sit in a room somewhere,
With padded walls and lots of air,
With a tied up jacket that I wear.
Aow wouldn’t it be loverly?
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I greatly enjoyed the post Ellen. You answered some questions for this Canadian about Great Britain, the UK, Scotland and England. 😀
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Oh, dear, what have I done?
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Hilarious post! Bravo!
Froggy went a’courtin made me laugh out loud.
Hadn’t heard that since humpty dumpty fell off the wall.
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Laugh if you like, but when the full conspiracy is unearthed we won’t any of us be laughing anymore. You heard it here first.
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Why do people always ask about Brussel Sprouts? I would think that topic has been exhausted by now!
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1. It’s the most important topic in these perilous times.
2. There’s always someone new, and they need to know.
3. Everyone else on the internet has enough sense not to write about them, so they all come to me.
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Thanks for this hilarious post. I will remember England marrying Scotland next time someone asks me about the difference between Britain and England! 😂😂😂
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I sometimes think (I have no idea why) that I’m not a lot of help in unscrambling this mess.
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Never mind unscrambling, you make us laugh and that’s not always easy these days!
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That’ll do. Thanks.
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You win! This is the funniest thing I’ve read all month, maybe even all years. I especially liked us mailboxes. Still laughing!!
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Thank you, Darlene. That has seriously bouyed me up on an otherwise not-very- bouyant day.
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British humor is easy to understand they may have developed it while attempting to make sense of British history. English history is a subject of which the more I read the less I know, all the studying accomplishes is discovering how much more there is to learn. Then again it becomes almost an addiction, I may put it down for a few months but I always end up continuing; only to find out how little I know each evening while watching Jeopardy.
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It sounds like you enjoy it perfectly.
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I think the answer to ‘birds speaking English for sale’ is to be found on the seedier side of town…
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Oh, Clive….
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😂
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“reason of Great Britain being called” was obviously submitted by Yoda. Some of the rest, I believe, came from recent speeches in the Rose Garden, We much preferred your answers !
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It felt very Yoda-ish to me as well, but I wonder if he uses a search engine or if someone’s trying to impersonate him.
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Huh? Oh, wait…..I get it now.
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Thank you for clearing up all these things. :)
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But of course. It’s what I’m here for.
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The very last line made me laugh out loud. Just what I needed. The previous chuckles had warmed me up for it. Obviously, the person wanted a talking bird, but not one that spoke Italian or French or… OR some guy who calls women birds is … well, way too dumb to get matched up with anyone. But really, why would you want a bird that was already talking English? it might say things you just didn’t want to hear. The weirdest thing I ever heard was a big parrot of some sort at an Italian animal park near Lake Maggiore making announcements it had heard over a speaker with static and all…
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We stayed at a B&B once that doubled as an animal rescue and had a bird–I think a cockatoo–that rang like the phone (we wondered by no one ever bothered answering) and called the dog. I guess they don’t distinguish between what we consider language and what we don’t. It’s all news to them. Static? Words? Who cares? I’m a bird.
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It probably sounds like a heavy metal song to them. Or rap. Who knows?
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I heard somewhere that birds hear notes the human ear can’t pick up, so who knows indeed. We quite literally can’t imagine.
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Talking of notes you do know the fiver has a picture of Churchill on it. You can see a pic on Evening Harald Bank of England regrets outsourcing printing of Churchill £5 note.
By the way, what tea do you drink?
Con, previously conaristocracy. I wanted a shorter name but con-veying the same idea. I am not a conservative- best not to create con-fusion.
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Ah–I hadn’t put the two names together. Thanks for the road map. I used to know someone called Con. It must’ve been short for something like Constant–I never asked.
Tea: Yorkshire. We used to get PG Tips, but I discovered that Yorkshire’s stronger. Mmmmmmmm. Caffeine. I never really look at the pictures on the money, though. Even when fully caffeinated.
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Like a good strong cuppa myself.
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Oh, the power of suggestion. Excuse me, I’ve got to go put the kettle on.
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It was so funny I read it twice.Still laughing #SeniSal
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Thank you, Darlene.
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I love your writing. I am a lonely American in Northamptonshire. I was in Cornwall last when it opened camping. It was glorious. I moved here in November and it has been eye-opening even after visiting every year since 1998. I sure could use some advice on surviving over here.
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Hello and welcome. Want to trade some emails? I’m at ellenhawley@yahoo.com.
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This might be the first time I read your post, it was lovely and a great laugh. And I am really touched by your compassionate response to Suzanne Smith. Thanks for the gift of laughter. #SENISAL Michele
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Thanks, M. (Sorry–I can’t pick a first name out of that, so I’m afraid you’re stuck being M for a while.) It’s good to hear I could give you a laugh. They’re in short supply these days, and they do matter.
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You are right. Michele. Michele Somerville, The Beach Girl Chronicles. But, you can just call me Michele. Sometimes certain friends call me East, but that is another silly story. Best and blessings, Michele
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I’ll do my best to keep track of that.
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