Banning pineapples

Breaking news: Pineapples are dangerous.

Okay, that’s not exactly breaking news. The BBC covered it on the 14th and it’s the 15th as I type this. But for Notes? That counts as instantaneous coverage.

Here’s as much sense as I can make of the story: It’s music festival season in Britain, when music lovers pay money to set up tents in muddy fields, ingest various substances, legal and illegal, and listen to their favorite bands play so loud that they damage their own and the audience’s eardrums.

Okay, I haven’t been to any festivals. I admit that. I’m so old that if I showed up people would turn to each other and ask, “What’s she doing here?” So I’m guessing at most of it. Except for the mud. That I have on good authority.

Managing a crowd that size has to be at the back of the organizers’ minds. How do we make sure no one gets hurt? How do we handle food, sanitation, trash collection? So among other things, they issue lists of banned items–things you can’t bring in.

The Reading and Leeds festivals have added pineapples to their list, putting them right up there with weapons, drones, fireworks, glass, gas canisters, non-service animals, and paper lanterns. The BBC explains, “Organisers said it was because fans of Oxford band Glass Animals bring hundreds of the fruit to its gigs, in a nod to song ‘Pork Soda’ which includes the lyrics ‘pineapples are in my head.’ ”

Does that explain anything to you? Me neither. A spokesman for the festivals said, “The tongue may be slightly in cheek on this one.”

Or possibly not. You’ll have to show up with one to find out. The festivals run from August 25 to 27. Hurry.

My thanks to Deb for drawing my attention to this important story.

55 thoughts on “Banning pineapples

  1. Do you know what this entry made me do?
    Yep, search ‘.. banned from festivals’ to see what other nuggets there were.
    A story appeared on page 3 of the search results (I was that dedicated, the first two pages were stories about pineapples too…) that flares were likely to be banned at ALL festivals soon. It was on Buzzfeed. Under ‘Politics’.

    All very strange so I did what they want you to do and clicked it. What could be the reason for banning wide-bottomed trousers I thought? What dangers (apart from only being ‘in fashion’ once in my lifetime so far and a possible tripping hazard to either you or someone within a foot of you) could they pose?

    The answer was simple. Not flares as in ‘look, my trousers are so wide at the bottom you can’t see I’m not wearing the right brand of trainers today’ but flares, as in ‘help, we’re nearly drowning over here, send help…’

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wish I’d thought to look for other banned items. I hereby award you the Comment of the Week prize, which I only just made up so it covers a very long week. But as someone who wore flares back when they were in style (and for a good long while afterwards, since it took me a decade or two to notice they’d gone out of fashion), I want to testify that they are dangerous. I once ran up one leg with the other foot while trying to catch the Lake Street bus. So a help-me flare to go with the flares? That’s just good planning.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds nuts to me. But then they’d have banned nuts.
    I went to a gig years ago (can’t remember where, but it wasn’t outdoor) and was allowed to take in my full bottle of volvic, but without the lid. I mean, wtf is that all about?!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Considering the British proclivity to expressing themselves by throwing produce, may I also suggest that they ban watermelons?

    I recall that when I was in England during election season in the 70’s, the front page of a tabloid was divided into quarters, each containing a photograph of the future prime minister labeled egg #1, egg #2, egg #3 and egg #4.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oddly enough, I don’t really feel any regret about it. The joke about being too old was–well, it was as close as I could come to a better joke that kept sliding out of reach. The better one also had something to do with my age but–well, it wouldn’t been funnier but it never did quite come together. Basically, I’m just not happy with that many people all at once. I need time and space to pull back. But I do appreciate your thought. Really.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. The kids keep trying to get me to go to festivals. They spend the entire summer in various ones.

    I keep refusing – because festivals of their nature require camping.
    In a tent. In the semi-wilderness. With a bunch of other people who may or may not be hopped up on one substance or another.
    My idea of roughing it is a hotel without an indoor pool attached.

    And now I have to warn them about pineapple abuse. What’s this world coming to?

    Liked by 1 person

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