The joys of spam, part 2

Gather around, grownups, because it’s time to check my spam folder again.

The first gem says, “Hello! I’ve been following your website for a while now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Lubbock Tx! Just wanted to say keep up the excellent job!”

Bravery? That’s from someone calling him- her- or itself “mushroom cock,” which is in lower case type, so I’m going to guess it’s not a given name. I’d have probably have guessed that even if it used a few capital letters. I initially guessed the writer as male, for obvious reasons, but M.C. embeds the name Margaret in his, her, or its email address, tossing an element of uncertainty into all my assumptions.

I don’t know what it all means either, but I don’t believe in keeping these things to myself.

Yet another irrelevant photo: day lilies after the rain stopped

In another comment, Stormy writes, “I am sure this piece of writing has touched all the internet people, its really really nice paragraph on building up new blog.” That was in response to a post about manners in the U.K. and the U.S., but thanks anyway, Stormy. Sooner or later that’ll land on a post with exactly the paragraph you’re describing.

Zappya for pc says, “Thanks for the good writeup. It in reality was a entertainment account it. Look complex to far brought agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?”

Good question. How could we communicate? With great difficulty, I suspect, but I’m basing that—I admit—on a very short writing sample.

Mind you, I don’t want to be snotty to someone who’s writing in their second—or fourth, or sixth—language. I know just enough of several foreign languages to be incomprehensible in them myself, and I respect people who speak multiple languages. Or write in them. Or at least try. On the other hand, if I was trying to spam someone into doing I have no idea what, I hope I’d come a little closer to marking out a topic—any topic—than this.

Speaking of languages, though, I’ve been getting a lot of spam in German lately. I‘d make jokes about them but I don’t know enough German to manage it. One of them, however, starts with “Howdy,” which I’m pretty sure isn’t conventional German.

The one that starts with “Wow,” though? That’s definitely standard German. I think it’s pronounced Vov.

Cqrunt writes, “Buxton is a graduate of the National Ballet School of Canada.When you are sitting in the splits it is like you are doing a backbend ? so you must have stretch in the anterior muscles at the front of the spine, front of the hips, and in the hamstrings of the leg devant. Actually, the better sites come with an enormous database of home which are approaching foreclosure. Reserve a particular be more placed into your financial savings one paycheck and deal with that like an alternative cost. Legislation and good innovation directed at reducing the consumption of electricity especially by gadgets is a good move.”

Yup. Words to live by.

Maurice says, “Fastidious response in return of this question with firm arguments and explaining the whole thing about that.”

Thank you, Mo. I do strive to be fastidious in my responses to the whole thing about that. Even when I have no idea what thing we’re talking about. It’s all good.

Others—. Oh, hell, I can’t be bothered copying and pasting all this crap, but I do notice a surprising repetition of blither about money, sports, prostitution, and sex in various other forms. Presumably because they catch people’s attention, or someone thinks they do, although what use that is when they’re too incoherent to make anyone click an irrelvant link is anybody’s guess.

And then, just when I said I was done copying and pasting, I found a comment from Corrugated galvanize panels which I just had to quote. CGP writes (twice), “When I initially commented I appear to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on every time a comment is added I recieve four emails with the same comment. There has to be a way you can remove me from that service? Thanks a lot!”

For a wild, disoriented moment, I thought that might be real. I once checked the Notify Me box, back when I first started blogging, and I’m still getting the occasional brainless comment on an About page from a blog I didn’t care about to begin with. Why did I check that box? No idea. Like Everest, it was there. I never thought I was making a lifetime commitment.

So as a way to get attention, this isn’t a bad approach, although I doubt it would make me buy corrugated galvanized panels. They’re not an impulse buy kind of thing. And I have a stack of them already, keeping us from getting to the bathtub. Doesn’t everyone? They’re getting mossy. And how many does one household need?

Okay, before you worry about me: I don’t have a stack blocking the bathtub. But a neighbor has a stack outside his shed, and they’re visible from the road so I know they’re mossy. If I need any, I’m sure he’d share. He’s that kind of guy.

Merlinruh suggests I consider medication. I was ready to think about it, especially after the galvanized panels crack, but it turns out to be for thinning hair. Merlin says it will expand both new locks and present hairs, which is important because hair-thinning medication can sluggish my hair. Then she (the email address includes “isabella,” so let’s assume) tells me about watching currency trades.

With my sluggish hairs? I wouldn’t dare.

See my comment above about not making fun of someone writing in their second of fourth language—and the loopholes I’m leaving myself.

In response to a post about Trainy McTrainface, Frank wrote, “Տinnging worship ssongs is nice however that?s not the only waay tto worship.? DadԀy stated, perhaps to make Larry cease singing.

“?Ƭhere are lots of ways to worship.”

That’s entirely possible, but I’m not interested in any of them, thanks. And you can tell Larry for me that he should make all the noise he wants. I have a feeling the writer and Daddy both deserve to be annoyed.

William, at least, is straightforward. He compliments an unrelated post and invites me to check out his post on how to gain more followers on Instagram. Where I’m sure he recommends pulling people with all the grace and subtlety he displays here.

Payday Loans likes my comparison of newest and earlier technologies. In an article on tea. Which doesn’t mention technology and doesn’t need to. And then Maurice is back praising my fastidious response explaining the whole thing about that.

Damn, Mo. I really made an impression, didn’t I?

And then, as I do almost every time I wade through the sludge in my spam folder, I found a comment from Pit, who’s entirely real, entirely on topic, and on top of all that reads German, but in spite of those gifts regularly gets banished to the spam folder by forces I can’t control. Sorry, Pit. I don’t know what you did in some alleged former life to piss off the mighty gods of WordPress. I know you’ve tried to make it right with them, but have you considered human sacrifice? They might like that.

45 thoughts on “The joys of spam, part 2

  1. I looked into mine.
    “Larry san very badfly so Lee haԀ pսt his fingеrs over his eaгs.”
    Lee is Yakuza I reckon, that’s why he cut Larry sans fingers off and then put them over his ears, even though Larry is badfly.
    You meet all sorts in the blogging world.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I need to check my spam. I do.
    My thing lately has been various people posting ?! on the same blog post. I don’t know why. I’m never going to understand ?! as a solitary phrase. The post is about what I’ll take to the family reunion last June.
    Maybe I should reply ?! because why are they reading old posts and asking ?! ? Who does this? Who are these people?
    Off topic spam is funny when it comes from strangers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If anyone asks me, I’ll grant people some leeway for commenting on old posts. I often follow links when someone leaves me a comment or–well whenever, and the links aren’t necessarily to recent posts, although that’s not always clear. That’s especially awkward when someone’s writing about some disaster that exploded in their life and I can’t figure out whether the whole mess has been resolved by now or whether leaving a bit of sympathy would be a good thing.

      But then, I’m hopelessly awkward at the best of times.

      I’m guessing someone out there thinks ?! is a good all-purpose comment. It could, just possibly, mean: You didn’t. They didn’t. What the fuck. The world’s an odd place. I’m speechless. And so on, endlessly and meaninglessly.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t have your patience and understanding. Most of the spam I get appears to be from people who are not terribly bright, because they seem to think that someone is going to publish disconnected crap or plug their pet product. On articles about castles etc (you know the kind of thing ABAB does), I received comments advertising a taxi service in Tunbridge Wells. It’s pathetic, really; but irritating.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Patience? Me? Nah. If I can make fun of them, it keeps it all from irritating me. A thoroughly selfish strategy, really. But why anyone thinks this crap works (or–horrors–if it actually does) is beyond me.


  4. Cruising through the spam bucket is often entertaining. Thank goodness we have a pretty good filter working for us. I’ve been getting a lot about car batteries. Maybe because winter is coming.

    One good thing, you have reminded me to check the spam for those few false positives.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yow! Here is a plethora (real word) of material I haven’t even considered until now. You’ve changed my life. Oh, look! I’ve already been given a chance to share in a $7,500,000.00 payout. And all I have to do is give Mrs. Amelia Neiderhouse my bank information. What’s the worst that could happen . . .?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Please, allow me to post here a brand new jewel, lest it’s lost forever:

    “Almost all of whatever you state happens to be supprisingly accurate and that makes me ponder the reason why I had not looked at this with this light before. Your piece really did turn the light on for me as far as this specific subject matter goes. However there is actually 1 position I am not necessarily too cozy with so whilst I make an effort to reconcile that with the core theme of the point, let me see exactly what all the rest of the visitors have to point out.Nicely done.”

    That said under my latest door post. Not too cozy, eh? But you see – they are making an effort! :o Almost scary! What’s next: spam so good we won’t be able to tell it apart??

    Liked by 1 person

    • That really is a gem, from someone I wouldn’t want to get too cozy with myself. It’s bizarre that someone can manage to be flattering about your writing for an entire paragraph without once mentioning what this specific and wondrous subject matter you write so well about is.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I find most of the spam I receive amusing, to say the least. It usually is a comment out of nowhere that doesn’t relate to my blog or a plea for me to communicate with them. I go through my spam every now and then and delete it. Excellent and informative post.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Never mind all that spam, dear lady, for the arrival of this letter ensures you a future so bright that you will never again be obliged to trouble yourself with such trifles. I am a vice-president of the Bank of Nigeria. Last year, our bank was responsible for handling the estate of an extremely wealthy client who died without a will. We located you a month ago.
    Now, I realize that this news comes as a shock, but I assure you that the rest of this letter will explain everything to your complete satisfaction.
    It all began when……

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I can’t take much credit – I’m very familiar with the email’s tone because I ended up on some list that Nigerian con men evidently shared, so I got banking scam emails for a few months. I guess I thought the scam was so well known by now that everyone would get the joke. Sorry if you hadn’t heard of it.
    See, that’s why I’d flop as a stand-up comic – I never know what’s current in the public mind. I’ve always figured that if it’s current in my mind, I’ve got a reference point that can’t miss.
    Well. I guess I’ll find out.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I was wondering if you ever considered changing
    the layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.
    But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better.
    Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two pictures.
    Maybe you could space it out better?

    Liked by 1 person

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