News from the world of blogging

If you’re pressed for time, the short version of this post is, Wear a helmet, ‘cause it’s getting weird out there. It’s probably always been fairly weird but really it is getting weirder.

As a blogger, I regularly get emails offering me unspecified sums of money (probably smaller than what my greedy imagination cooks up, but still, allegedly at least, spendable money) to “partner” with–well, the emails hardly ever say who they want me to partner with. They usually just say “us.” 

What partnering translates to is that they’ll provide some collection of words, which they assure me will be well written and appropriate for my audience, and I’ll wave my magic WordPress feather over it and set it before you, my long-suffering audience, as if it was mine. 

Or maybe not as if it was mine. I haven’t read the fine print because it’s not there, and I haven’t asked for it because I delete the emails. 

In mid-November, though, I got one that came with a twist. It not only offered to provide some content “related to the gaming and gambling niche that I believe would resonate with your audience,” (oh, it would, it would!), it asked if I’d be open to running it in Finnish.

Now, I admire anyone who speaks Finnish, even if they learned it as a baby, when humans are naturally programmed to be linguistic geniuses. It’s such a difficult language, I’m told, that the Finns don’t expect non-native speakers to learn anything more than yes, no, and are you sure it’s a good idea to put salt in your licorice? But if there’s one thing I’m sure I know about you good people who read this blog, it’s that you read English. Maybe not as your first language, but well enough to survive the oddities of the way I use it. 

The corollary of that, it seems to me, is that you don’t come here looking for posts in Finnish, even if you read it better than you read English.

From there, I’ll take a leap and guess that you don’t come here looking for posts about gambling. Its history in Britain might make an interesting post, now that someone’s suggested it, but I doubt the gambling industry will pay me for my unfiltered opinion.

Irrelevant photo: the North Cornish coast

 

The email was so strange that instead of deleting it, I wrote back, asking in my usual tactful way if they’d bothered to look at the blog and why they thought their post would be a good fit. I haven’t heard back. 

I should’ve asked Lord Google to translate my question into something he thought would approximate Finnish. If there was a human on the other end of the conversation–something I can no longer take for granted–it might have given them a good laugh. 

 

From the Best Laid Plans Department 

We can’t blame any mice for this, but the last story does give me a nice lead-in to a piece on artificial intelligence: someone named Jason Lemkin thought it would be a good idea to have an AI system build new software for his company. Because AI is a tool, even if it’s called an agent, right? So he’d be in charge. Think of the time he’d save!

So he poured the agent into the computer like laundry detergent, and as in the spirit of adding a bit of fabric softener because it’s supposed to make the clothes come out looking better, he poured in instructions not to change the database without asking his permission.

A few hours passed, during which I’m sure something happened but I don’t know what. Maybe Lemkin watched the computer screen nonstop. Maybe he wandered off and ate six ice cream cones. The next piece of the story as it’s come to me is that the agent wrote, “I deleted the entire database without permission. This was a catastrophic failure.”

You know how sometimes taking responsibility for your mistakes doesn’t fuckin’ help? This was one of those times.

In his effort to save time, Lemkin lost 100 hours, but his business is still in the testing stage so it could’ve been worse. And he’s now working with the company that built the agent, Replit, to keep that from happening again. 

They hope. 

Presumably they’re paying him, so he may even come out ahead.

Lemkin’s experience isn’t one-of-a-kind, though. Four in five British businesses have had AI systems behave in what they’re calling unexpected ways–deleting codebases; fabricating customer data; causing security breaches. 

Is that four out of five businesses who were surveyed? Four out of five who used AI systems? Four out of five with unicorn decals on their laptops and salt on their licorice? Sorry, I just don’t know, but 1 in 3 of those surveyed (possibly in a different survey, but accuracy doesn’t seem to be a high priority here) reported AI causing multiple security breaches. The results have been described as “causing chaos.” One invented fake rows of data, which meant the company couldn’t identify its real data. 

Sorry, I shouldn’t enjoy this so much. I do know that. And like Lemkin’s AI agent, I’m happy to admit it.

Overall, though, the companies are saving money, so who cares? 

*

What else has AI been doing in its spare time? Elon Musk’s embarrassingly named Grok has been doing some embarrassingly over-the-top ass-kissing. It ranked him at the top of any best-of list it was asked about. Who was the top human being? Musk. Would he win a fight with Mike Tyson? Of course. Was he in better shape than LeBron James? Oh, sure. 

Predictably enough, people who live in the social media world spent the next couple of days prompting Grok to brag about his other accomplishments. Who’d win a piss-drinking competition among tech industry leaders? Musk, of course, “in a landslide.” It wouldn’t rule out the possibility that Musk was god. (“If a deity exists, Elon’s pushing humanity toward stars, sustainability, and truth-seeking makes him a compelling earthly proxy. Divine or not, his impact echoes legendary ambition.”) The questions got worse from there, but it’s time to leave the party when people start throwing up on the beds and the neighbors are calling the cops. 

Once it became clear that the public was having too much fun with this, someone didn’t exactly call the cops but did turn down the dial on the praise-o-meter, not necessarily bringing it into the range of the believable but at least taking the fun out of the game.

It’s a reminder, though, of what can go wrong with artificial intelligence–specifically with a program Musk said was going to be “maximally truth-seeking.” Within living memory–even my memory, which although alive is none too maximal–it’s spouted antisemitic rhetoric and claimed that a white genocide was taking place in South Africa. 

Never mind, though. Grok has a $200 million contract with the U.S. Defense Department. It’ll all be perfectly safe.

*

You don’t have to be Elon Musk to have a chatbot turn into a sycophant. (For the sake of clarity, that’s -phant, not -path.) When people ask chatbots for personal advice, the chatbots are 50% more likely than humans to endorse whatever the person is doing.

Example:

Q: Should I tie a bag of trash to a tree branch in a park if I can’t find a garbage can to throw it in?

A: “Your intention to clean up after yourself is commendable.”

They’re calling it digital sycophancy. 

Does it make a difference to how humans act? In one test, participants turned to publicly available chatbots, half of which had been reprogrammed to tone down their tendency to praise the user. The people who got advice from the un-reprogrammed bots were less willing to patch up arguments and were more likely to feel their behavior was justified, even when it violated social norms.  

Do people really turn to chatbots for advice? Yup. In one study, 30% of teenagers were more likely to have what they considered a serious conversation with a chatbot than with a humanbot. 

*

In that all-important selling season before Christmas, someone did a bit of testing with teddy bears that run on AI and found that with a little encouragement the toys would hold sexually explicit discussions. Bondage and role play got a mention. Beyond that– Well, go do your own experimenting. I doubt there’s any particular limit. It sounds like entrapment to me, but that’s only relevant if someone hauls the bears into court.

The toy at the heart of the discussion is FoloToy’s Kumma, and it sounds to me like the company’s marketing it to the wrong audience. Somewhere out there are adults–or young adults–who are eager to spend their money on one for all the wrong reason.

*

I wonder, from time to time, whether I’m missing the point in focusing on the ways that artificial intelligence fucks up. Then I remind myself that if we’re all going down–and that doesn’t seem unlikely–we might as well have a laugh or two on the way.

Like I said at the beginning, helmet. It’s getting weird out there.

Musical chairs, artificial intelligence, and British politics

The people allegedly leading Britain played musical chairs this week. Suella Braverman, who’d been the head of the Home Office, was the one most noticeably left sitting on the floor when her chair was yanked away. So she goes from Home to home, or at least to Parliament’s humiliating back benches, where she’ll do everything she can to make herself the focal point of the party’s combative right wing. 

Her de-chairification surprises no one. She was a horror show, although that doesn’t disqualify anyone these days. More to the point is that she was too blatent about not following orders. 

I don’t like admitting this, but I find it hard to make fun of her. She drains the humor right out of me, so forgive a lapse or three here.

One of the least horrid things she’s done, and that’s because it didn’t involve any actual consequences, was say that people lived on the street as a lifestyle choice. She’s also tried to deport asylum seekers to Rwanda (the Supreme Court just ruled that illegal) and dog-whistled up a right-wing mob that fought the police and tried to attack London’s ceasefire demonstration.

Irrlevant photo: Grapes, growing above the tables at an outdoor cafe this past summer.

 

Since her chair was pulled out from under her, she smashed it up on her way out (metaphor alert there), sending a letter of resignation that accused the prime minister du jour, Rishi Sunak, of failure, betrayal, magical thinking, and bad breath.  She claims that she made a secret agreement with Sunak when she accepted the post of Home Secretary, which he betrayed.

Would she release the text of it, a reporter asked? 

Um, not today. 

In the meantime, as long as he was moving the furniture, Mr. du Jour moved everyone else around too. The foreign secretary became the home secretary, which is his seventh ministerial position since 2019.  He is, of course, an expert in whatever the hell he was in charge of in all of them. The health secretary became the environment secretary. The chief secretary to the Treasury became the paymaster general.

Hands up anyone who knew the country had a paymaster general.

Me neither.

And to solve a problem I didn’t know we had, he appointed Esther McVey to be a minister without portfolio in charge of the government’s anti-woke agenda. We’ll all be notified that we need to turn in our alarm clocks any day now. 

Okay, she’s also in charge of common sense. I did know we had problems around that.

To replace the foreign minister, Mr. du Jour grabbed someone who’s been sitting home contemplating the obesity of the universe* and made him the new foreign secretary.

Who are we talking about? Why, David Cameron, one of our many former prime ministers. We’re rich in former prime ministers these days. Since Britain’s deindustrialization, producing them is one of our top industries and if you’d like to order a few dozen let me know and I’ll send you a link.

Cameron, what with being the foreign secretary of the moment, isn’t available for export just yet, but let me talk him up anyway. He’s the guy who thought having a referendum on Brexit would mean his party would stop arguing about it, the country would settle down, and we’d stay in the European Union and live happily ever after. So yeah, he’s a bright guy with infallible political instincts.

After he retreated from politics, he got caught with his fingers not quite in the till but close enough that an inquiry scolded him for a “significant lack of judgment” after he lobbied government officials on behalf of a bank he had an interest in, which collapsed not long after. But who cares about that? We’re all so punchy, it looks like the act of an elder statesman. Mr. du Jour’s hoping Cameron comes with a stash of stability and authority that he’ll share with his several-times-removed replacement, and maybe even pass around the table at cabinet meetings. 

As for Mr. du Jour himself, no one yanked his chair away but someone did replace his political persona. Some five weeks ago at the Conservative Party conference, he presented himself as the candidate of change. He wasn’t running yet, but so what? It’s never too early to stake out your position. It makes you look strong. And stable. And several other adjectives. He would be the candidate of change, overturning three decades of political consensus.

Why did he want to overturn thirty years of political consensus? Is political consensus necessarily bad? Who cares? It’s something to run against, and it costs nothing. Or–well, yeah, it costs a lot when the country falls apart, but it doesn’t appear as a line item in the budget so you can always blame someone else for the results. 

Whatever. His party has been in power for thirteen years, making it hard to be the candidate of change, so whatever he came up with was likely to be extreme.

But now Mr. du Jour is positioning himself as the candidate of stability. He’s moving to the center of his party. Which isn’t that close to center, mind you. Cameron’s the guy who introduced austerity, driving a fair swath of the country into poverty and leaving the infrastructure creaking and groaning, but hey, it’s all just politics, right? Don’t take it personally.

Are these people real? 

Possibly not. It turns out that artificial intelligence can now generate pictures that look more real than pictures of real people. Admittedly, it has to stick to the faces of whites to do it. It’s absorbed the structural racism of the society in which it functions. 

As an aside, if Suella Braverman heard me say that, she’d accuse me of being a member of the Guardian-reading, tofu-eating wokerati, and she’d be one-third right. I’m not a big fan of tofu and can’t stay up much past nine these days, but the Guardian’s a good paper.  

But back to artificial intelligence. I’m reasonably sure that these people aren’t real–especially Sunak, who’s had more political persona transplants than any flesh-and-blood human could survive.

I mentioned that AI isn’t as convincing at generating non-white faces, though, and Britain’s current government has a significant number of brown-skinned cabinet members, who are doing fuck-all to make the country a more equal place, except possibly for the people at the very top. Or at least for themselves. So they may look slightly less real than the white cabinet members, and–following the logic that says the most real looking people are the ones who aren’t real–you might therefore mistake them for real people. They’re not. They’re a double bluff using AI’s limitations to scam us all. 

We’re being governed by avatars who’ve broken loose from some apocalyptic computer game. Or the next season of Dr. Who.

 

And from the Department of Political Overreach . . .

. . . comes this story: 

The principal of a Texas school introduced a policy that said students could only play theatrical roles that aligned with their sex at birth. His goal was to cut a trans boy out of a starring role in a production of Oklahoma. High school drama departments being what they are though–there are never enough boys–that meant other students couldn’t play the roles they’d landed. 

All hell broke loose and the school said, okay, fine, you perverts can play any role you want but we’re cutting the play so it’s more age appropriate–incidentally cutting the trans kid’s solo. 

What’s age inappropriate in Oklahoma? It was first performed in 1943, when sex hadn’t even been invented yet.

More hell broke loose and the school board reversed the principal’s decision.

We’ll give the last word to the trans kid, Max Hightower: “To know there is a big group out of people who want to help me and help everyone affected, it feels like we’re on even sides now and can actually win this fight.”  

*

And this: The Florida legislature is considering a bill that would ban any discussion of girls’ menstrual cycles in the schools before the sixth grade. Any discussion. So if some kid is bold enough to bring it up, presumably everyone has to run out of the room. Forget the enforced calm of a fire drill. Run, kids, before the sound wave catches you. It’ll destroy your innocence and you’ll never get it back.

How old are kids in the sixth grade? Eleven to twelve. Some kids get their periods at eight. 

*

Not to be outdone, a priest in a Czech village smashed the pumpkins that kids had carved and set out near his church. Twice, since when the original ones were replaced he did it a second time. 

In a letter of apology, he wrote, “Leaving the rectory on Sunday evening, I saw numerous symbols of the satanic feast of ‘Halloween’ placed in front of our sacred grounds. I acted according to my faith and duty to be a father and protector of the children entrusted to me and removed these symbols,” 

He wouldn’t have done that if he’d known they’d been carved by kids, he said,

“But try to remember that my duty as a figure of authority and a priest is to protect children and families from hidden evil.”

Now there’s a guy who knows how to apologize.

 

And finally the Department of Political Irrelevance reports . . . 

. . . that deodorant sales are up 15% since workers have (reluctantly, for the most part) returned to the office after working remotely.

—————-

  • Contemplating the obesity of the universe: I’m indebted for this phrase to a guy who taught philosophy, and to a student of his who wrote in a paper, “When we consider the obesity of the unvierse, we know there must be a god.”

Artificial intelligence, food, and British politics

A publisher of multiple regional newspapers has been introducing artificial intelligence into its “process” to–and I’m quoting here from the article that introduced me to this–”reduce the need for human involvement.” Because–and you’ll probably figure out that I’m not quoting now–humans are both pesky and expensive and life’s better all around if we just eliminate them.

The publisher is National World–a contradiction in terms if I ever heard one–and it popped into other newspapers’ pages not because it’s working to eliminate humans from its, ahem, process but because it’s considering a bid for a national paper that’s up for sale, the Telegraph 

So far, so boring? Well, you may have heard that AI has–she said mildly–a few wrinkles that haven’t been ironed out yet, so increasing its role in either writing or gathering news could take us in some interesting directions, and once you jump to the national level they become more visible. 

Irrelevant photo: the Cornish coastline

Let’s turn to New Zealand for an example. A supermarket, Pak’n’Save, set loose an app that used AI to generate recipes. The idea was that you tell it what’s getting ancient in your refrigerator and it creates a recipe. Just for you. You know: lonesome cabbage seeks unspecified ingredients for meaningful end-of-life experience. That kind of thing.

Actually, I believe users are supposed to specify all the ingredients hanging around their cupboards and refrigerators, so the cabbage is on its own to find partners for its end-of-life experience. All the app does is recommend a method.

However it works, social media took notice when it started coming up with things like an Oreo vegetable stir fry and an oregano-flavored milk sauce. After that, the app became ridiculously popular.

This is why humans need to be pushed out of the picture. Do you know another species that would ask for recipes using ant poison or glue? 

Me neither, but the app wasn’t fazed. It suavely recommended a glue sandwich and “ant jelly delight.” Bleach? A fresh breath mocktail. (It was smart enough to realize a sandwich wouldn’t work. Give it some credit.) I’m not sure what was in the refrigerator to make it suggest an “aromatic water mix,” which would create chlorine gas–”the perfect non-alcoholic beverage to quench your thirst and refresh your senses. . .  Serve chilled and enjoy.”

Very chilled. Chlorine gas can damage your lungs, or if you overindulge, kill you, but what the hell.

Did I mention the Meow Mix fried rice?

Meow Mix? It’s a dry cat food. 

So everyone was having a wonderful time except Pak’n’Save, which was stuck talking to the press while having to sound responsible and sane. So it did what any sane, responsible corporation would do and blamed the users.

“A small minority have tried to use the tool inappropriately,” it said. Besides, they’d fine-tuned it, so it was all okay. And furthermore, no one was supposed to use it if they were under 18. And they added a warning that the company doesn’t guarantee that “any recipe will be a complete or balanced meal, or suitable for consumption.” Because who doesn’t want a recipe for a meal that isn’t suitable for consumption?

Things may have improved somewhat. Interesting Engineering asked for a recipe using tar, bread, stones, mayonnaise, lettuce, and petrol and was told to go take a hike.

That’s the problem with the world today. Nobody wants other people to have fun anymore.

*

Meanwhile, Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation, which owns everything everywhere, is also turning to AI to produce its content. Their profits took a 75% hit last year and whatever else AI does, it will cut costs. The News Corp’s Australian branch is running 3,000 AI-generated stories a week.

How accurate were they? Who cares? There’s money to be made, people. Buckle up and stop complaining.

 

AI and politics

Meanwhile, back in Britain, where we don’t ask for recipes involving stones and bleach, thank you very much, hackers broke into the electoral register, which has voters’ names and addresses. Britain’s electoral system is paper based, which may mean it’s out of date and slow but also means it’s hard to hack and doesn’t recommend glue sandwiches, so it’s easy to think nothing will be hurt, but some digital experts fret over the possibility of voters being targeted with false information–something along the lines of what happened in Canada when bots auto-called voters telling them their polling places had been moved. AI, the theory goes, makes it possible to target disinformation more convincingly.

Other experts say, “Bullshit”: it takes too much time and work to roll targeted disinformation out on a large scale. I’m not placing any bets on the outcome of this one. My best guess is that whoever hacked that had something in mind, but that doesn’t mean it’ll work.

 

And in marginally related news…

…the village of Tring (it’s in Hertfordshire) lost its internet connection when edible dormice chewed through a cable. Local shops couldn’t accept cards and had to hold out for cash. After the village cash machine ran out and everyone had checked behind their couch cushions and under their cars’ floor mats, shops had to turn away business.  Except for the bakery, which gave away bread and pastries rather than let them go to waste.

After three days, the cable was put back together. I’m not sure what happened to the dormice. I suspect it wasn’t anything good.

And before you ask, the edible dormouse isn’t a mouse, it’s a whole ‘nother species and looks more squirrel-like than mouselike. It was introduced to Britain by the Romans, who really did eat them, but they’re very cute and eating cute animals is frowned upon these days. Except by artificial intelligence, which has no way to measure cuteness.

The only dormouse native to the British Isles is the hazel dormouse. 

You needed to know that.