Britain’s Suez moment

When the US (and Israel, but it’s very much in parentheses here) dropped bombs on Iran and didn’t pull the victory it was expecting out of fate’s grab-bag, a number of British papers asked, Is this America’s Suez moment? I doubt US papers asked that, since (stereotype alert) Americans can’t be counted on to know what the hell the Suez Crisis was. Why should they? It was someone else’s crisis. it happened way back there in history, and we don’t do history in the US–at least not much and not well. 

Which is a shame, because it’s the kind of comparison that makes a person think about–oh, you know, the last gasp of a dying empire, an impaired head of state, that kind of thing. 

But don’t think about it too long, because whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. (If you’re old enough, you remember that from a poster on someone’s wall, and it seemed hopelessly profound.)

Of course, it’s entirely possible that even if the universe is unfolding as it should, that doesn’t mean it gives a rip about our welfare. We may turn out to be disposable.

Have I cheered you up yet? Good.Let’s talk about what a Suez moment consists of.

Irrelevant photo: Either an ornamental cherry (that’s my bet) or a plum tree (that’s from my phone’s plant identification app).

The Suez Crisis

In 1956, Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser announced the nationalization of the Suez Canal. It had been built in 1869, when Egypt was part of the Ottoman Empire. Then in the late 19th century, the country–canal and all–came under British control and in 1914 became a protectorate, which is a politely uncolonial name for a colony. In 1922 it became independent, although British influence “remained significant,” as the BBC ever so diplomatically puts it, emanating the polite scent of eau de colony. 

That significant involvement explains the years of anti-British riots that followed, along with a coup and finally a new and uncolonized government. But we’ll skip all that–sorry; we’re in a hurry–and pick up again when the last British soldiers poured the sand out of their boots and left. Egypt was now not only independent, it wanted to nationalize that canal. It planned to pay for it, but still. 

Cue sounds of outrage, please, especially from Britain and France, who’d been running the canal.

While negotiations over the fate of the canal plodded on (negotiations are so boring), Britain, France, and Israel planned an invasion, then jumped from plan to practice. Israel invaded, giving Britain and France an excuse to invade and demand that both the Israeli and Egyptian troops step away from the canal. Aren’t Britain and France acting nobly and peacefully by protecting it? 

According to the plan, this would be enough to pull the US in. 

 

Meanwhile, in reality

From the start, the British were short on ships and landing craft, and when it added tanks to the invasion force it had to hire a commercial outfit to move them to the embarkation point because it didn’t have any whatever it took of its own. The National Army Museum calls the commercial outfit a removals firm–the kind of company you’d call if you were moving from, say, London to Birmingham and didn’t have room for all your stuff in your car, but instead of moving a couch, a bed, and a file cabinet, the armed forces were asking if the company could move a few tanks, please.  No, not many.  Just, you know, the normal amount.

Once it solved the tank problem, Britain had to change its landing point because it didn’t have enough landing craft, making it sound like they were short not just on equipment but on people who knew how to plan as well. 

In spite of all that, militarily speaking the invasion went well. Israel invaded, stopped short of the canal, and waited for the British and French to show up, which they did, breezing past the Egyptian troops.

It was on the diplomatic side that things fell apart. Instead of being pulled in, the US put its hands in its pockets and chewed bubble gum. For one thing, Eisenhower (remember him? US president back in the stone age?) had just denounced the Soviet Union for invading Hungary. Following that with an invasion of Egypt would be awkward. And for another thing he could see where the US getting involved in Egypt could draw in the Soviet Union, which would be dangerous. 

That left Britain nose to nose with some consequences it hadn’t expected. In a Gulf of Hormuz moment, Britain’s oil supply was stuck on the wrong side of the canal. Its financial system was stretched thin. When it asked the International Monetary Fund for a loan, the US refused unless it agreed to a ceasefire. The US also threatened to sell its sterling bond holdings, which could’ve devalued the pound and undermined Britain’s foreign exchange reserves.

If that wasn’t enough, public protests in Britain were large enough that the government couldn’t pretend not to see them.

Britain and France backed down. Israel went home. A ceasefire came into effect at the moment when November 6 became November 7 (the invasion had started on October 30) and the United Nations granted Egypt sovereignty over the canal.

It all proved that the UK could no longer play with the big kids–the US and the Soviet Union.

 

Who was in charge in Britain?

The prime minister who led Britain into and through this mess was the Conservative Anthony Eden. Eden had been in the background for years, waiting for his turn to be prime minister. (The English are big on waiting in line and taking their turn.) He was urbane and charming, according to the Financial Times. He’d been foreign secretary in three different decades, and he was Churchill’s acknowledged successor. The problem was that Churchill wasn’t in any hurry to see his successor success, and by the time he did, in 1955,  Eden’s health had gone sour and he was angry and unpredictable and drug-addled. He took barbiturates to help him sleep and  pethidine, a morphine derivative, only hours before cabinet meeting, then Drinamyl, a relative of amphetamine to pick him back up. 

Drinamyl’s side effects include impaired judgement and loss of “contact with  reality.” To use a medical term, he was a mess. 

But we were comparing the Suez Crisis with Operation Epic Fuckup. Since Donald Trump deals only in superlatives, we could argue–convincingly, I think–that he’s in worse shape than Eden was. As far as I know, he doesn’t need drugs, prescription or otherwise, to lose touch with reality. He can do that all by himself, and better than any human ever has. What’s more, no prime minister or president before him has ever tweeted a picture of himself as Jesus healing the sick. None of them ever accused the pope of being soft on crime. In fact, none of them ever thought the pope was in charge of fighting crime. 

If there’s an advantage to living in a country led by a drug addict, it’s that they can, at least in theory, stop using drugs. Someone whose loss of contact with reality is self-induced is less likely to return. 

 

Britain’s Suez moment

The Suez Crisis marked the end of Britain as an imperial power and as a player on the world stage. It also marked the end of Eden’s career. He was replaced by Harold Macmillan, who reduced the size and expense of Britain’s armed forces and ended National Service–what Americans would call the draft.

When those newspaper headlines I mentioned all those many paragraphs ago asked about the US’s Suez moment, I don’t think they were suggesting the Iraq War will necessarily bring Trump down. Not yet, anyway, if I read the tea leaves correctly. (Tea leaves are annoyingly hard to read, so don’t place any bets based on my predictions. Or if you do, don’t blame me if you get skunked.) They were talking about the kind of turning point where everyone notices that a major power is now playing in the safer corner of the playground, where the younger kids cluster together and hope the big kids don’t notice them.

How to tell the dead from the living: it’s the news from Britain–and elsewhere

The good thing about Notes not being a newspaper is that when I’m eight or ten months late with a news story I can shrug my shoulders and run it anyway. So here we go: shrug; run.

Back in August of 2025, the central leadership of the Reform UK Party imposed Sharon Carby on its Croydon branch as their candidate in the mayoral elections. According to the London Economic, she was accepted (or shrugged in–I wasn’t there, the article doesn’t say, and I haven’t seen the minutes) by a crowd numbering in the single figures. Possibly even in the high single figures. 

As a candidate, Carby had two things–

Let’s start that over. As a candidate, Carby had at least two things against her. One, she was from Bradford, which was and still is 241 miles away. Five days a week and that commute would kill you. Two, and more problematically, the commute didn’t stand a chance: she’d been dead for 6 months when she was nominated. 

Irrelevant photo: Swans on the Bude Canal

It’s not clear how long it took the party to notice that she was no longer breathing, but once they did they made the responsible move and advertised for a replacement candidate. They must not have found one, because when I looked up the list of candidates, Reform didn’t have anyone on the list.

Still, I can’t help imagining them going through the applicants and one of them saying to the others, “We’ve got a live one here.”

So what is Reform UK? It’s a new and (you might’ve figured this part out already) chaotic right-wing party held together with tape, chewing gum, and high-profile refugees from the Conservative Party. The Conservatives are sinking as rapidly as a small island nation, hence the flow of refugees. Reform’s also–or primarily–held together by grinning photos of its cigar-wielding founder.   

Reform’s politics are anti-refugee (except for those from the Conservative Party), pro-culture wars, pro-Trump, and anti-wasteful spending, although where it’s won local elections it’s had a hard time locating the waste it vowed to cut and the savings it was going to make have been even more elusive. They’ve been known (more than once) to raise the taxes they vowed to cut. They have breakthrough moments of open racism, then remember they’re not in office yet, slosh a bit of paint over them, and go back to their core message. If they end up in government, the joke will turn sour very fast, but in the meantime they’re a gift to satirists everywhere. It’s very much a one-personality party, and people who went to school with its Prime Personality have told the press that he was known for harassing Jewish and brown students and saying things like, “Hitler was right.” A little paint, though, and you’d hardly notice. 

More recently than eight or ten months ago, Reform suspended a candidate in Scotland when he turned out to have been “struck off as a company director.” To translate that, he was caught with his hand in a cookie jar containing Covid grants. Thousands of pounds transferred themselves mysteriously into his personal account.

Other candidates have made assorted islamophobic comments and wild claims about refugees. One mayoral candidate called members of a Jewish neighborhood watch group “Islamists on horseback” and sprayed other offensive and largely incoherent comments in assorted other directions. He’s been suspended.

It’s a funny thing, but antisemitism is politically toxic at the moment, but islamophobia isn’t, so the same people who would once have told you Jews are what’s wrong with your life and country now tell you that Muslims are. 

I’m Jewish, so don’t tell me I’m antisemitic for saying that. Believe me, if they get enough power, they’ll go after Jews as well.

And no, to the best of my knowledge the neighborhood watch group wasn’t using horses.

 

Lessons on telling the living from the dead

Not everyone has trouble telling the living from the dead. A newspaper clipping from the 1938 Oregonian resurfaced recently and has been making the rounds in assorted inappropriate places. It tells the tale of Charles Keville, who “walked into a temporary morgue and looked at a body that had been identified as his.

“‘Nope,’ he said. ‘That ain’t me,’ ” and out he walked.

He did not, to the best of my knowledge, go on to run for mayor. 

I have made no effort to find out if the article’s real. If it isn’t true, I don’t want to know. 

 

Why don’t I write about Keir Starmer?

What, the current prime minister? Because he bores me. Even when he makes me want to scream or throw things at the TV–and those are regular occurrences–he’s still boring. Making jokes about him is like throwing rocks at a ghost. The two objects–rock and prime minister–operate on different metaphysical planes. 

I’m not sure what metaphysical planes are exactly, but I do know that the laws of physics (or maybe that’s the laws of science fiction, or occult studies) won’t let them intersect.

Being rock-proof and joke-proof doesn’t make Starmer politically attackproof, however. His party (Labour) might’ve replaced him by now if he hadn’t purged it so thoroughly when he became its leader. It doesn’t have a lot of prime-ministerial replacement parts on hand anymore. The most likely remaining replacement part is trapped in Manchester’s mayoral office, where he’s not eligible to lead the party. You have to be a member of parliament to do that. When he tried to leave the mayor’s office and for an open parliamentary seat, Starmer locked him in Manchester and ate the key. 

A couple of other replacement parts are available but it’s not clear that they’re a good fit. They might clash with the wallpaper at 11 Downing Street, where prime ministers live if they don’t live at number 10. Let’s not get into that. What matters is that Boris Johnson famously redecorated it when he was in office, spending an obscene amount of money (that he eventually had to pay back) on wallpaper that you couldn’t pay me to stay in a room with. After he resigned, it was painted over and finally taken down when it began to peel. Its ghost, however, haunts the halls of both residences, so the next prime minister has to be able to live with that. 

That leaves Starmer ghosting on, not quite politically alive but not politically dead. 

In fact, both established parties, Labour and Conservative, are ghostly right now. The Conservatives, having proved their incompetence when they ran the country, came out of this last election looking like wool socks after a hot wash, and Labour came out with a huge majority in Parliament, which it’s used to demonstrate that it has no idea what to do next. It’s made up for that by borrowing anti-immigrant rhetoric from the Conservatives and Reform UK, which gained them no votes but alienated past supporters. It’s also done untold damage to immigrants’ lives, but hell, they were only immigrants, right? So who cares.

That leaves two upstart parties, Reform (we did that one) and the Greens, which has a new left populist leader and just picked up an MP in an election Labour should’ve won–and might’ve if its most promising candidate hadn’t been locked in Manchester.

And of course we have the Liberal Democrats, which isn’t a new party but–

Y’know, the clearest thing anyone’s said to me about the Lib Dems is that no one knows what they stand for. But they’ve picked up votes too. We’ve reached a point where not knowing what a party stands for looks appealing. A recent voter survey showed a lot of people picking their candidates according to who they most want to keep out of office, not who they want in.

 

One lone immigrant finds a welcome

In spite of the anti-immigrant furor on both sides of the Atlantic, a 2-year-old male fox slipped onto a cargo ship in Southampton–that’s in England; you’ll find it on the south end of the map–and disembarked in New York, where t was welcomed. Four government agencies went into high gear and not only got him safely off the ship but found him a temporary home at the Bronx Zoo. When last heard of, he was settled in and doing well. A few more agency-types were searching for a permanent home.

The moral of the story seems to be that if you really, truly need to move to another country, grow fur. 

 

Meta turns to AI and . . . 

This is irrelevant, but I love a good story about artificial intelligence fucking up, and if you’ve been around a while you know irrelevance is no problem here at Notes.

An engineer at Meta couldn’t solve a problem and turned to AI for a solution. The engineer followed its instructions and–wheee–caused a two-hour security breach

What kind of security breach? If anybody’s saying, they’re not telling me. Meta says user data wasn’t leaked. Meta says a human could’ve made the same mistake. Meta says we should go play outside and not bother the grownups when they’re busy making us safe.

It occurs to me that we’re living at a turning point in history and you’d think that would be interesting. Or terrifying. Or, well, you know, something. Not only is artificial intelligence on the verge of changing our lives in we’re-not-sure-what way, but we’re also seeing manic right-wing parties turning their rhetorical fire hoses on immigrants while responsible middle-of-the-road parties shut immigrants out because they’re afraid they’ll be tossed out of office if they don’t match or outdo the manic right wing. We’re watching–or turning away–while Israel starves Gaza and in Lebanon targets not just civilians but medics  specifically. We’re watching a doddering old man bomb the hell out of Iran and the world economy because the people who would stop him can’t and the people who just might be able to won’t try.

And so on and merrily so forth. I’ve been around a long time, my friends, and I’ll testify that this is not the usual state of things. It’s all coming unglued.

Meanwhile, most of us plod on, doing whatever it is we do with our lives, which in my case involves talking most mornings about how the dog’s walking (he has a bad back, so the conversation kind of makes sense), and whether the cats came for breakfast. You know, all the earthshaking stuff that, taken together, makes up a life. The sun rises. The sun sets. You’d hardly know anything’s changing except that prices keep going up and everything’s coming unglued. Other than that, though–

The Levellers, the New Model Army, and the Hot-Water Wash

Welcome to England of 1645 and to the present tense, which in spite of all logic is going to apply to the past. We’re in the middle of the Civil Wars, which has glorious capital letters. Isn’t it just impressed with itself?

Parliament is at war with King Charles and has just substituted the New Model Army for the private armies its supporters raised and for the local Trained Bands, part-time, local militias that might or might not be willing to serve outside their home regions.

We’re back to irrelevant photos: It’s spring. Have a daffodil.

The New Model Army

What’s new about this army? Unlike the local militias, it’s full time. It’s professional. It can be sent anywhere in the country. Unlike private armies, it has a unified command and people will be promoted on the basis of their competence instead of their titles and status and money. And unlike both militias and private armies, if you wash it, even in the hottest water, it won’t shrink. It is truly a miraculous creation.

But there’s more. Its officers are barred from holding seats in either the Commons or the House of Lords, at least when it’s first formed. This keeps the aristocracy from leading it, since members of the Commons can resign their seats to become officers but members of the Lords remain lords no matter what they do. No one seems to have imagined that a person might un-lord himself. And if they can’t imagine it, they can’t do it. If a lord gets silly enough to claim he’s a commoner, all the other actors will say, “Oh, no you’re not,” and no matter how many times he says, “Oh, yes I am,” he won’t be.

That last joke only makes sense if you’ve seen a panto, a form of British theater where the only joke revolves around repetition of “Oh, no you’re not” and “Oh, yes I am.”

See how much you learn here?

Like most miracle products, though, once you look closely, the New Model Army has some problems. It’s made of a mix of volunteers and draftees; of veteran soldiers and terrified newbies; of deeply committed Puritans, assorted other religious dissenters, and (it includes draftees, remember) people who’ve spent their lives worshiping in the old ways and aren’t easy about all these changes. In other words, it’s stitched together from an assortment of all the scraps in England’s fabric shop.

Before long, some of the draftees desert. Some of the dissenters dissent. The wool and the lace are hard to stitch together. Neither of them goes well with hessian. Some of the dye runs. 

By the end of the First Civil War, the army’s fallen out of love with Parliament. If it ever was in love, which we haven’t actually established. The soldiers aren’t getting paid regularly, and that’s never a smart move; I mention that in case you happen to form an army yourself one day. Soldiers get grumpy when they’re not paid.

Parliament wants to either disband the army or march it off to Ireland, where the soldiers have as much chance of seeing their back pay as they have of becoming Pope–all of them at the same time, in their anti-Catholic multitudes. So no, the army isn’t about to do either of those things. Or at least the soldiers aren’t. The soldiers and their officers aren’t of one mind about this. Or much of anything else right now.

And if that’s not enough, Parliament, or part of it anyway, is leaning in the direction of restoring the king without increasing the country’s political or religious freedoms. The soldiers are starting to ask each other what they’ve been fighting for anyway.

So each regiment elects two agitators–yes, that’s what they‘re called–and they join the army’s senior officers in an Army Council, where they put together the army’s demands to Parliament. 

I’m simplifying. We’d be here all night if I didn’t and, apologies, I don’t have enough eggs on hand to make breakfast for all of us. Keep saying “Great sweep of history.” It’ll get you home in time to give the kitty a treat before bedtime.

 

The Putney Debates

What the agitators and the Army Council do, first in existing at all, second in sitting down to talk, and third in making demands of Parliament, is radical enough. This is an army, remember, and armies are built on hierarchies and orders and yes-sirs, not on discussing your purpose and goals and philosophy and then voting on whether your orders are worth carrying out. But the troops do more than discuss. They put together an even more radical set of demands for constitutional change. If it’s put into practice, it will seriously democratize the country.

Spoiler alert: That doesn’t happen.

While this intellectual brew is fermenting, the army’s moving toward London–not in any sort of a hurry, since Parliament’s captured the king and that’s kind of like a commercial in the middle of the TV show, so everyone’s wandered off to the kitchen to see how well the beer’s fermenting. Besides, there might be some popcorn left from last night. Then in late October and early November 1647, the army does an amazing thing: It stops to hold the Putney Debates, an argument over what kind of country they’re all fighting for. Some five hundred soldiers argue politics and philosophy with their officers.

The argument boils down to two positions, one held by the top-level leaders’ (called the Grandees) and the other, more radical one proposed by the Levellers and held by some hefty but unmeasurable number of soldiers.

What the Levellers propose is that all men get the right to vote–or almost all men. It depends on what source you read and when you tune in, since their ideas evolve. The idea that women should vote is as far out of reach as Instagram and the theory of relativity. They also call for freedom of religion—not just for their own religions but for everyone—for the opening up of enclosed land, for an end to conscription, and for an assortment of other political and economic changes, including equality before the law, an end to the censorship of books and newspapers, and no taxation of anyone earning less than £30 a year.

Since the participants have a sense that they’re making history, they’re kind enough to take notes for some (but unfortunately not all) of the debates. Let’s toss in a few quotes about whether people with no property, or not much property, should have a right to vote:

From the Grandees’ side: “I think that no person hath a right to an interest or share in the disposing of the affairs of the kingdom, and in determining or choosing those that determine what laws we shall be ruled by here–no person hath a right to this, that hath not a permanent fixed interest in this kingdom. . . . First, the thing itself [a greatly expanded vote] were dangerous if it were settled to destroy property. But I say that the principle that leads to this is destructive to property; for by the same reason that you will alter this Constitution merely that there’s a greater Constitution by nature–by the same reason, by the law of nature, there is a greater liberty to the use of other men’s goods which that property bars you.” —Henry Ireton.

Do people really talk that way? Apparently. Can they follow each other through those convoluted sentences? They must, because they understand each other well enough to argue, and here’s the argument from the soldiers’ side:

“I think that the poorest he that is in England hath a life to live as the greatest he; and therefore truly, Sir, I think it’s clear that every man that is to live under a Government ought first by his own consent to put himself under that Government.” —Thomas Rainsborough

“We have engaged in this kingdom and ventured our lives, and it was all for this: to recover our birthrights and privileges as Englishmen–and by the arguments urged there is none. There are many thousands of us soldiers that have ventured our lives; we have had little property in this kingdom as to our estates, yet we had a birthright. But it seems now except a man hath a fixed estate in this kingdom, he hath no right in this kingdom. I wonder we were so much deceived.” —Edward Sexby

For the Grandees, the idea that all men–or almost all men–should have the vote flirts with anarchy. For the Levellers, it’s essential.

Leveller leaders and Grandees negotiate, looking for something they can agree to present to Parliament.

They don’t find common ground and the Levellers walk out.

The Grandees demand an oath of loyalty from the soldiers, which means signing up to the Grandees’ alternative to the Levellers’ manifesto. Many sign–and it’s not irrelevant that they’ve been promised their back pay. Some refuse. Stones are thrown. Swords are drawn. Leaders of the radicals are arrested. One is executed on the spot. The agitators are surgically removed from the Army Council, which becomes a Council of Officers.

Mutinies continue for a while–over pay, over the Leveller manifesto, over orders to go to Ireland–but they’re isolated. The Grandees are back in control. But what’s happened can’t be un-happened. Ordinary people have thought the unthinkable and spoken those thoughts to each other and to the most powerful men in the country. That can’t help but percolate through the coming decades and centuries.

I know. That’s what always gets said about the losing side, especially by those of us who wear our political hearts on our left sleeves. It’s true that the Levellers’ demands come to nothing. Their voices are silenced. In the brutal calculations of power, they lose.

The odd thing is, though, that if you listen carefully you can hear the whisper of an echo of what they did, wrote, and said.

News from the world of blogging

If you’re pressed for time, the short version of this post is, Wear a helmet, ‘cause it’s getting weird out there. It’s probably always been fairly weird but really it is getting weirder.

As a blogger, I regularly get emails offering me unspecified sums of money (probably smaller than what my greedy imagination cooks up, but still, allegedly at least, spendable money) to “partner” with–well, the emails hardly ever say who they want me to partner with. They usually just say “us.” 

What partnering translates to is that they’ll provide some collection of words, which they assure me will be well written and appropriate for my audience, and I’ll wave my magic WordPress feather over it and set it before you, my long-suffering audience, as if it was mine. 

Or maybe not as if it was mine. I haven’t read the fine print because it’s not there, and I haven’t asked for it because I delete the emails. 

In mid-November, though, I got one that came with a twist. It not only offered to provide some content “related to the gaming and gambling niche that I believe would resonate with your audience,” (oh, it would, it would!), it asked if I’d be open to running it in Finnish.

Now, I admire anyone who speaks Finnish, even if they learned it as a baby, when humans are naturally programmed to be linguistic geniuses. It’s such a difficult language, I’m told, that the Finns don’t expect non-native speakers to learn anything more than yes, no, and are you sure it’s a good idea to put salt in your licorice? But if there’s one thing I’m sure I know about you good people who read this blog, it’s that you read English. Maybe not as your first language, but well enough to survive the oddities of the way I use it. 

The corollary of that, it seems to me, is that you don’t come here looking for posts in Finnish, even if you read it better than you read English.

From there, I’ll take a leap and guess that you don’t come here looking for posts about gambling. Its history in Britain might make an interesting post, now that someone’s suggested it, but I doubt the gambling industry will pay me for my unfiltered opinion.

Irrelevant photo: the North Cornish coast

 

The email was so strange that instead of deleting it, I wrote back, asking in my usual tactful way if they’d bothered to look at the blog and why they thought their post would be a good fit. I haven’t heard back. 

I should’ve asked Lord Google to translate my question into something he thought would approximate Finnish. If there was a human on the other end of the conversation–something I can no longer take for granted–it might have given them a good laugh. 

 

From the Best Laid Plans Department 

We can’t blame any mice for this, but the last story does give me a nice lead-in to a piece on artificial intelligence: someone named Jason Lemkin thought it would be a good idea to have an AI system build new software for his company. Because AI is a tool, even if it’s called an agent, right? So he’d be in charge. Think of the time he’d save!

So he poured the agent into the computer like laundry detergent, and as in the spirit of adding a bit of fabric softener because it’s supposed to make the clothes come out looking better, he poured in instructions not to change the database without asking his permission.

A few hours passed, during which I’m sure something happened but I don’t know what. Maybe Lemkin watched the computer screen nonstop. Maybe he wandered off and ate six ice cream cones. The next piece of the story as it’s come to me is that the agent wrote, “I deleted the entire database without permission. This was a catastrophic failure.”

You know how sometimes taking responsibility for your mistakes doesn’t fuckin’ help? This was one of those times.

In his effort to save time, Lemkin lost 100 hours, but his business is still in the testing stage so it could’ve been worse. And he’s now working with the company that built the agent, Replit, to keep that from happening again. 

They hope. 

Presumably they’re paying him, so he may even come out ahead.

Lemkin’s experience isn’t one-of-a-kind, though. Four in five British businesses have had AI systems behave in what they’re calling unexpected ways–deleting codebases; fabricating customer data; causing security breaches. 

Is that four out of five businesses who were surveyed? Four out of five who used AI systems? Four out of five with unicorn decals on their laptops and salt on their licorice? Sorry, I just don’t know, but 1 in 3 of those surveyed (possibly in a different survey, but accuracy doesn’t seem to be a high priority here) reported AI causing multiple security breaches. The results have been described as “causing chaos.” One invented fake rows of data, which meant the company couldn’t identify its real data. 

Sorry, I shouldn’t enjoy this so much. I do know that. And like Lemkin’s AI agent, I’m happy to admit it.

Overall, though, the companies are saving money, so who cares? 

*

What else has AI been doing in its spare time? Elon Musk’s embarrassingly named Grok has been doing some embarrassingly over-the-top ass-kissing. It ranked him at the top of any best-of list it was asked about. Who was the top human being? Musk. Would he win a fight with Mike Tyson? Of course. Was he in better shape than LeBron James? Oh, sure. 

Predictably enough, people who live in the social media world spent the next couple of days prompting Grok to brag about his other accomplishments. Who’d win a piss-drinking competition among tech industry leaders? Musk, of course, “in a landslide.” It wouldn’t rule out the possibility that Musk was god. (“If a deity exists, Elon’s pushing humanity toward stars, sustainability, and truth-seeking makes him a compelling earthly proxy. Divine or not, his impact echoes legendary ambition.”) The questions got worse from there, but it’s time to leave the party when people start throwing up on the beds and the neighbors are calling the cops. 

Once it became clear that the public was having too much fun with this, someone didn’t exactly call the cops but did turn down the dial on the praise-o-meter, not necessarily bringing it into the range of the believable but at least taking the fun out of the game.

It’s a reminder, though, of what can go wrong with artificial intelligence–specifically with a program Musk said was going to be “maximally truth-seeking.” Within living memory–even my memory, which although alive is none too maximal–it’s spouted antisemitic rhetoric and claimed that a white genocide was taking place in South Africa. 

Never mind, though. Grok has a $200 million contract with the U.S. Defense Department. It’ll all be perfectly safe.

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You don’t have to be Elon Musk to have a chatbot turn into a sycophant. (For the sake of clarity, that’s -phant, not -path.) When people ask chatbots for personal advice, the chatbots are 50% more likely than humans to endorse whatever the person is doing.

Example:

Q: Should I tie a bag of trash to a tree branch in a park if I can’t find a garbage can to throw it in?

A: “Your intention to clean up after yourself is commendable.”

They’re calling it digital sycophancy. 

Does it make a difference to how humans act? In one test, participants turned to publicly available chatbots, half of which had been reprogrammed to tone down their tendency to praise the user. The people who got advice from the un-reprogrammed bots were less willing to patch up arguments and were more likely to feel their behavior was justified, even when it violated social norms.  

Do people really turn to chatbots for advice? Yup. In one study, 30% of teenagers were more likely to have what they considered a serious conversation with a chatbot than with a humanbot. 

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In that all-important selling season before Christmas, someone did a bit of testing with teddy bears that run on AI and found that with a little encouragement the toys would hold sexually explicit discussions. Bondage and role play got a mention. Beyond that– Well, go do your own experimenting. I doubt there’s any particular limit. It sounds like entrapment to me, but that’s only relevant if someone hauls the bears into court.

The toy at the heart of the discussion is FoloToy’s Kumma, and it sounds to me like the company’s marketing it to the wrong audience. Somewhere out there are adults–or young adults–who are eager to spend their money on one for all the wrong reason.

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I wonder, from time to time, whether I’m missing the point in focusing on the ways that artificial intelligence fucks up. Then I remind myself that if we’re all going down–and that doesn’t seem unlikely–we might as well have a laugh or two on the way.

Like I said at the beginning, helmet. It’s getting weird out there.

‘Tis the season to sell books, part 2

I don’t normally use this blog to promote my novels, but this one and the one I posted about last week are close to my heart. I’d love them to move further into the world.

 

 

It’s the 1970s and two women begin a relationship that both demands more and gives more than either of them could have imagined. Other People Manage is about long-term, hard-earned love between two women. This isn’t romance, it’s the kind of love you have to work for.

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“A quietly devastating novel about our failings and how we cope” –Patrick Gale

“A persuasive and deftly told story about a long-lasting love.” —Times Literary Supplement

“A tender and beautiful addition to the literary canon, and a mirror for LGBT readers.” –Joelle Taylor, the Irish Times

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You can buy it directly from the publisher or from whoever handles those things well in your part of the world. Or borrow it from the library. Libraries are wonderful.

‘Tis the season to sell books

Writers can be tiresome when they’re promoting their books, and for the most part I steer clear of self-promotion here, but the emphasis there falls on for the most part. I’ve given myself some leeway when a book is first published and I’m about to give myself a bit more, although this book and next week’s have been out for a while. The thing is, they’re particularly close to my heart. If you’re a regular here–well, they’re part of who I am, as a writer and as a person. Some of them already know them, but if you don’t I’d like you to. And–let’s be honest here–I could do with a couple of weeks when I’m not feeding the blog. Blogs are ravenous beasts. If my novels aren’t what you come here for, no problem. Go get yourself a cookie and ignore me. I’ll get back to our normal programming before long.

 

 

A Decent World

Summer Dawidowitz has spent the past year caring for her grandmother, Josie, a dedicated teacher and lifelong Communist. When Josie dies, everything that seemed solid in Summer’s life comes into question. What sort of relationship will she have with the mother who abandoned her? Will she meet with her great-uncle, who Josie exiled from the family? Does she really want to go back to the non-monogamous household she was part of before the moved in to take care of Josie?

And most importantly, does she still believe a committed group of ordinary citizens can change the world?

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“Quietly magical . . . a book that draws you in and then refuses to let you go.”

–Stephen May, author of Sell Us the Rope

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Order directly from the publisher or from whoever handles that stuff best where you are. Or borrow it from the library. Libraries are wonderful.

A quick note before you get to the most recent post 

Featured

We live in dark times, and it’s feeling stranger and stranger to write this blog without acknowledging that. As someone other than me has already said, whatever you think the German people should’ve done in the 1930s, this is the time to do it. We can’t all be heroes but we can be honorable people. Sometimes that alone is heroic. Do what whatever is in your power, my friends. We can’t know how long the chance will last.

Sewage, patents, and post-truth politics: it’s the news from Britain

In these days of post-truth politics, it shouldn’t surprise me that someone paid a polling company to ask what percent of the British public thinks one of our many former prime ministers, Boris Johnson, was telling the truth in his memoir. It shouldn’t surprise me but it does. Just when I think I’m cynical enough to keep up with reality, something like this comes along.

What did they learn? For the sake of simplicity, let’s focus on two questions: only 25% of the people polled believed Johnson’s claim that Buckingham Palace asked him to convince Prince Harry not to leave the UK and 31% believed his claim that Britain was able to get Covid vaccines faster because it had left the European Union. 

A baffling number of people gave answers that fell in the probably zone, saying a claim was probably true or probably false. I understand that they didn’t have inside information, and some of the questions asked what they believed Johnson believed, which leads us onto wobbly ground indeed. But come on, people. I wouldn’t believe the man if he told me today was Friday. 

In fact, as I write this, it’s not Friday. It will post on Friday, and you’ll read it on whatever day you damn well please, if at all. I’m typing it, though, on Monday and editing on Tuesday. You see how slippery truth can be? Muddy the waters enough and everyone will stop caring what’s true–or so the theory goes. Still, no matter what day of the week Johnson tells me it is, I’ll check my phone or today’s newspaper. 

Or possibly my phone and today’s newspaper. 

Irrelevant photo: An azalea blossom

If you get past the list of questions, the poll offers some hope for people’s political sanity: 72% of Britons describe Johnson as untrustworthy. True, that’s down from the 76% when he was just about to slither out of office, and I’m not sure Johnson would consider their low opinion a problem–he’s built a career out of convincing people that whatever he gets up to is cute–but it does let me think three-quarters of the population is paying some minimal attention.

I’d love to tell you who paid for the poll and why, but I have no idea. What I do know is that no poll–yea, no breath–gets taken without somebody paying for it.

 

Okay, we know politicians lie. Private companies tell us the truth, though, right?

Of course they do, dear. Now go to sleep or Santa won’t bring you any presents.

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If the kids, having despaired of ever getting a straight answer, are asleep, let’s tell secrets: Britain’s privatized water companies cheated on thousands of pollution tests.

Did I mention that they got to monitor themselves on those tests? Because all that red tape we used to have was bad for us. 

How’d they rig the tests? They stopped the outflow of effluent–a polite name for liquid waste or sewage that gets discharged into rivers or seas–when they were about to test the outflow. And guess what: everything was fine! Isn’t that wonderful? Then they opened the taps and the sewage poured forth.

Britain has a serious water-pollution problem. To quote the BBC, “The amount of raw sewage spilling into England’s rivers and seas doubled in 2023, with 3.6 million hours of spills compared with 1.75 million hours the year before.”  A different BBC article says just 14% of Britain’s rivers are in good ecological health, and the problem comes not just from untreated waste (we have a lot of that) but also from sewage that’s only partially treated. The final stage of treatment, sand filtration, is optional. (See above for how red tape is bad for us.)

Meanwhile, in the 2021/22 financial year, water companies paid their shareholders a total of £965 million and their CEOs took home £16.5 million. Thames Water, the biggest of the water companies, was almost £15 billion in debt as of last March. In July, it asked the regulator to increase annual bills by 23% between 2025 and 2030. Since then, it’s said it needed to raise them by 53%. 

Pay up, folks. You get what you pay for–with sewage on top.

There’s talk of renationalizing Thames Water, but that will stick the government with its debt (it just got a £3 billion loan that will help it survive past Christmas), along with its other problems. I think I see why the government’s hesitating.

 

Yes, but what’s Britain really like?

Well, you can tell a lot about a country from its patent applications. Here are a few inventions Britons patented in 2023:

  • A flatpack coffin
  • A robot dog that vacuums and can go up and down stairs
  • A computer table that lets you lie under your desk and work looking up (it can also work as a conventional desk)
  • A plywood cow–useful if you want to practice lassooing cattle
  • Smart gloves that record a goalie’s performance data
  • Cheese made of potatoes
  • Shoes that can be worn on either the left or right foot 

and most practical of all

  • A machine that vibrates the mucus out of your nose

What does this tell us about Britain? I’m at a loss. You tell me.