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About Ellen Hawley

Fiction writer and blogger, living in Cornwall.

British voters struggle under wave of manifestos as election nears

You can’t have a parliamentary election in Britain without the political parties rushing in and publishing their manifestos–documents setting out what they’ll do if they get into office, or at least what they say they’ll do. 

English needs a word for a group of manifestos. A noise of manifestos? A wishfulness of manifestos? A scramble of manifestos? Nominations are open. No winner is likely to be chosen and any prize will have to be self-awarded, but please, don’t let that stop you from entering.

Like 99.7% of the population, I haven’t read any of them. I rely on newspaper summaries and I’ll confess to skimming most of those and skipping the minor ones entirely. But that won’t stop me from arguing that as a class manifestos range from the unreadable to the unreadable–unless, of course, it’s your job to read them, in which case, human ingenuity being the amazing thing it is, they open themselves before you and make a sort of sense. I know that because I used to work as an editor. Pay me money and it’s amazing how much sticky prose I can wade through.

Irrelevant photo: Wheee! Poppies.

But before parties issue their manifestos, they serve up bits of policy as appetizers, convinced they’ll make us hungry for the full meal. So we turn on the news one day to hear the Conservatives are going to cut taxes, the Liberal Democrats are going to save the National Health Service, and Labour’s going to put energy drinks off limits to people under 16. 

Then the next day dawns, as days will if you don’t keep an eye on them, and Labour’s going to get the NHS (that’s the National Health Service) back on its feet, the Lib Dems are going to create a minimum wage for carers (those are people taking care of a disabled partner/relative/whatever), and the Conservatives are going to cut taxes. The Greens will build new environmentally friendly housing and tax the wealthy.

Labour will also fix a million potholes. The Conservatives shoot back that they like cars more than Labour does but potholes build character. No nation with any backbone whatsoever would want them all filled.

You turn off the radio, but they’re on your TV. The Reform Party’s going to save the NHS. (Have you noticed a pattern here? Everybody’s going to save the NHS. The parties who had a large hand in its near-demise say nothing about why it needs saving.) The Lib Dems are going to bring down trade barriers. The Greens will go carbon neutral by 2040. Labour’s going to tax public schools, which in a bizarre twist of English history and language are actually private schools. The Conservatives are going to make sure every student studies English and math until they’re 18 and can explain why public schools are private. Students may need energy drinks to survive the beefed-up curriculum. 

The entire nation needs energy drinks to survive the election.

Reform is going to take Britain out of the European Union.

Wait. Britain already left the European Union. That was a stray page from a few years back. Fine, they’ll put Nigel Farage’s face on every TV screen every day. Policies don’t matter, personalities do, and he apparently has one, although I can’t bring myself to look at him long enough to verify that.

All the available parties agree to send toothbrushing squads to eligible homes but disagree on which homes should be eligible.

Eventually, all the parties publish their full manifestos and the drip-feed is over. The news shifts to the manifestos themselves.

How much does any of this mean? It’s not completely pointless. Voters can weigh the manifestos and calculate each party’s’ political tilt (in case it isn’t already obvious). They can look at the work of parties they don’t like and attack their weak points, which is why Labour has attack-proofed its manifesto so thoroughly that they haven’t left much for anyone to get excited over. Except for getting the Conservatives out of office, which after fourteen disastrous years I’m actually excited about.

But there’s another reason manifestos are useful: if a party promises something in its manifesto and gets into power and then follows through on that promise (that’s three ifs), the issue will carry a bit of extra political clout in the legislative process. 

But enough about manifestos. Let’s talk about the fun stuff–in other words, the Conservatives, because they’ve been such a gift to the cynical and the satirical. I can’t think what I’ll write about once they’re out of office. Let’s check in with a number of political departments.

 

The Department of Stupid Scandals

The Conservatives’ most damaging move hasn’t done any real-world damage, but it will help them lose the election: Rishi Sunak–that’s the prime minister–attended a D-day commemoration and left early while the leaders of other countries stayed in place and hid their boredom stoically. Cue outrage and offense.

The big scandals, like re-introducing nineteenth-century levels of poverty, don’t tend to lose elections. It’s the stupid stuff, like leaving a commemoration early. 

Ah, but there’s more to get outraged about: three days before the election was announced, Sunak’s top parliamentary aide (translation: he’s an aide and a member of parliament) got caught placing a £100 bet on the election’s date. No one’s saying whether or not he knew what the date would be, but at the very least he was in a position to take an educated guess. That could leave him in legal trouble for using confidential information to place a bet and in political trouble for damaging the reputation of the House of Commons. And since it’s the stupid scandals that bring politicians down, this one is rumbling on like low-grade thunder–distant but ongoing. The Gambling Commission has told bookmakers to comb through their records for others in the inner circle who might’ve placed substantial bets, because the betting odds on a July date shortened in the week before the announcement. And they’re finding them. 

On Thursday, the Conservative Party took down a social media post that said, “If you bet on Labour, you lose,” although I may not have the wording exactly right because, um,the post is gone. I’m sure someone in Conservative HQ is bellowing, “Okay, where’s the arsehole who wrote that?”

If the aide whose bet was first noticed had won, he would’ve made £500. He’s now looking at the possibility–remote but not out of the question–of not just a fine but two years in prison. But, you know, the bet was a sure thing.

 

The Department of We’re Not Really Members of our Party

Conservative candidate Robert Largan posted ads on social media that make him look like he’s running as a Labour candidate. And a Reform candidate. And a Lib Dem candidate.    

A Conservative member of the House of Lords has reposted tweets calling on people to back the Reform Party. One said that anyone who voted Conservative wasn’t patriotic.

And a Reform Party candidate, Grant StClair-Armstrong, was forced out of the party after an enterprising reporter dug up some 2010 tweets where he urged people to vote for the British National Party, which is variously described as fascist, ethnic nationalist, far right, anti-immigrant/anti-Muslim, and (by their own description) interested in making Britain a better place. 

His name will be on the ballot anyway. It’s too late to take it off. 

 

The Unseemly Ambition Department

With the election not yet lost and Sunak still head of his party, any number of Conservative MPs are hoping to replace Sunak. Three weeks before the election, campaigners were already on the receiving end of messages from them, saying, basically, Hey, remember me? I’m here and I’m thinking of you. Don’t forget my name when the time comes

But the front-runners need to do more than that if they want to lead the party after Suank’s demise. They have to be elected to Parliament, and this year that’s not guaranteed.

Not unconnected to those ambitions, for a while we heard rumblings from within the Conservative party that its right wing might publish a counter-manifesto if the official one didn’t grab hold of the electorate. As I’m writing this, no counter-manifesto’s appeared but let’s not write it off yet. There’s more fun to be had.

 

The Just Folks Department

An interviewer asked Sunak if he was in touch with the struggles of ordinary people and whether he went without anything as a child. Yes, he answered. Sky TV. The nation weeps for him still.

Never mind. He’s tough. He can try again, and did in Devon, where he got down on his haunches and tried to feed a flock of sheep. They ran away.

 Yeah, go on, follow the link. You know you want to.

The Department of Wild Popularity

At a political discussion show, Sunak blamed doctors’ strikes for long NHS waiting times. The audience booed–him, not the doctors. 

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And finally, when the Conservatives launched their manifesto, the crowd was so thin that they sent minions scurrying around to fold up the chairs so nobody would notice. 

They noticed. 

The Hundred Years War in two thousand words

Taking a long view, the Hundred Years War (1337–1453) started a few hundred years before the count begins, in 1066, with a careless invasion of England. You know how these things happen. You look across the ocean and see a country that needs a king. Sure, it’s got some guy who says he already is king, but it so clearly needs you as king, because let’s face it, you don’t want to stay home and be nothing more than a duke. So you invade and become both a king and a duke. 

Sounds good. You just planted the seeds of a war that won’t blossom for centuries. 

You do have problems, of course. One is that between your kingdom and your dukedom lies that body of water you were looking out over, so you can’t just hop on a bus to move between them. Another is that your dukely self owes fealty and loyalty and several other -ties to a king who isn’t you: the French king.

It’s all a bit awkward, but even so it’s lucrative, and it won’t become a serious problem until after you die, and that makes it somebody else’s problem. 

In case your dual identity as king and duke has left you confused, I’ll clarify: you’re standing in for William the Conqueror today, and what with being dead and all, you now drop out of the picture and we move on to everyone who follows you.

Irrelevant photo: Valerian growing in a neighbor’s hedge.

More kings

The tension between being a duke in one place and a king in another will continue and be made more complicated by the nobility’s habit of marrying only people whose families have land and power and titles, all of which are inherited. High-end medieval marriages are supposed to cement alliances, and they probably do in the short term, but they also lead to disagreements over who gets to inherit what. They also blur the line between (in this case) what’s English and what’s French.

Hold onto that idea of conflict. We’ll get to it, but first let’s dredge up an example of how those lines get blurred. In 1154, when he becomes king of England and duke of Normandy, William the C’s great-grandson Henry II is already the count of Anjou and duke of Aquitaine. So he has four titles and three of them are in France, although his top-ranking title is English. That makes him not only the king of France’s theoretical equal but also the most powerful of the king of France’s subordinates. Under those circumstances, it can’t be simple figuring out who bows and who gets bowed to. It may depend on whose living room they’re in and whose TV they’re going to watch. Not to mention who’ll make the popcorn.

At times, the French king has direct control over less of France than the English king does, although (this being feudalism and all) the English king always plays second fiddle to the French king for those French lands, and it can get dangerous when the second fiddle is powerful enough to challenge the first violinist. So the French kings do what they can to strip away English holdings in France. In return, the English do what you’d expect: try to hang onto them. 

This is a time bomb, and it’s going to explode only a few episodes into the miniseries. But since I promised you a 2,000-word limit, we’ll skip a lot of the details.

 

Dynastic marriages

Let’s go back to those marriages and the conflicts they plant. Edward III of England is the nephew of Charles IV in France because all the appropriate people married other appropriate people. You wouldn’t expect them to marry (gasp) commoners, would you?

When Charlie dies, he doesn’t have a male heir, and French law won’t accept a (more gasps) female on the throne. So the French barons unroll the genealogical charts and–eek!–the closest male heir is the king of England.  Right. They unroll a few more inches of chart and find a cousin, Phillip, who’s not only certifiably male but French.

Eddie protests. France argues that Ed’s claim to the throne comes through his mother and, what with being female and all, she couldn’t transmit the right to a crown she couldn’t claim herself. 

After a bit of grumbling, Eddie caves–at least, that is, until Phil takes away one of his French toys, Gascony, at which point Eddie decides he really is the king of France. He takes the title King of France and the French Royal Arms. 

Why France and its royal arms are separate things is beyond me, but he’s convinced that they are and that he’s king of them both. The year is 1337. The Hundred Years War is about to start, although nobody’s calling it that yet.

 

War

For a while, the war goes well for the English. Eddie stirs up enough of the discontented nobility to make war on the cheap, because even when the English aren’t fighting, France still has to. Parts of the country become ungovernable–or at least Paris can’t govern them. The local lords can.

It’s in this period that England has the victories at Crecy and Poitiers that wander happily through the fields of English memory, often without much in the way of context, leaving the impression that it’s always summer, the wildflowers are always in bloom, and England always prevails. 

But don’t trust me too far on that business of English memory. I’m not English and I imported my memory from elsewhere. What you can trust is that the early signs are all good from the English point of view. They do major damage to the French economy and at Poitiers take the French king (not Phillip; by now it’s John II, or John the Good) prisoner, forcing him to sign a treaty so unfavorable to France that the country repudiates it.

Short digression: I’m having a little trouble figuring out why he’s John the Good, unless it’s because his primary enemy was Charles the Bad and it does make for some pleasing symmetry. John not only signs a bad truce, he marries his daughter to his bitter enemy (would you marry your kid to someone called John the Bad?) then doesn’t come through with her dowry, giving Charles even more reasons to be bad. And if that’s not enough, he gives some of Charles’ lands to his (that’s John’s) constable, no doubt causing further unhappiness in  his daughter’s home. He looks like a shady character to. But John the Good he is. 

Different era, different standards. 

Somewhere in the midst of all that, the Black Death sweeps through and conquers everything it damn well wants. 

 

Peace, and then more war

Starting in 1360, we get nearly ten years of peace, which breaks down when France and England back different claimants for the throne of Castile. Which, I remind you, is in Spain. You’d think that would make it irrelevant, but you’d be wrong. 

This is why I’m going light on the detail. My hair would catch fire if I spent too much time with this stuff. 

The French and the English start fighting again. The English launch raids into French territory. The French, in alliance with Spain, raid English cities along its south coast. France narrows England’s French possessions down to a strip along the coast.

Everyone’s tired and takes a couple of decades off. Mostly. They give serious thought to a lasting peace and say, “Nah, let’s not.” 

And this is where another English victory wanders triumphantly into the National Memory Banks: Agincourt. It’s all going so well that the English are within spitting distance of taking Paris.

In response, the splintered French powers meet to form an alliance against England. But instead of forming an alliance, though, one side assassinates the leader of another side and the French end up signing a treaty that will lead to the English king marrying the French king’s daughter, because these marriages work out so well for everyone, right? The English king will also inherit the French throne once the current king–who’s already not well–dies, and the English king will be regent for the French king while he lives. That disinherits the dauphin–the French heir–who was the guy who messed up that three-way meeting.

The muse of history (that’s Clio, in case you want to invite her to your next party) laughs at their plans. The English king dies before the French king, which leaves a nine-month-old, in all his wisdom, in charge of both countries. 

 

But it’s not over yet 

The south of France backs the dauphin against the baby king, Joan of Arc rides in on her pony, winning a victory for the French, and the dauphin is crowned. France now has two kings. One speaks French, the other (I’m guessing) has yet to speak a full sentence.

Joanie’s captured, tried, and burned for heresy. The French take Paris back. A truce is negotiated. The English indulge in a little last minute sacking and looting, since that’s what medieval warfare’s all about. The truce is abandoned. 

Are you starting to feel hopeless about this thing? Just imagine how people felt at the time. 

The French take back all of France except for Calais. Effectively, although not officially, the war’s over. 

 

Why do we care about any of this?

Many reasons. 

Since the war’s been fought on French soil, and since civilians are fair game (unlike, ahem, in our enlightened times), France has been devastated. All that looting and pillaging has had a massive impact on France. 

And even where they’re not looting and pillaging, soldiers are like a plague of locusts. They need to eat, and guess who gets to feed them? Local people, and payment is not guaranteed. That felt not only in France but also in southeast England, where English armies were been stationed before they shipped out. 

In England, though, most ordinary people feel the impact primarily in the form of taxes, and there’ve been a mass of them. War’s expensive. All those taxes led, among other things, to the Peasants Revolt.

They also led to Parliament becoming more powerful, because each time the king introduces a new tax, Parliament has to wave its magic feather to approve it. As gets Parliament stronger, the king gets weaker. 

Another way for the king to raise money has been to increase the number of nobles, and by the end of the war the size of the nobility has tripled and the crown’s created new ranks–esquire and gentleman.

It all brings in money. It’s also never enough. By the time the war ends, the English treasury is just about empty

 

Nationalism

Throughout the war, assorted kings and the church have drummed up a patriotic frenzy, as governments do when they have a war brewing. Among other things, this has led to the country adopting St. George as its patron saint. Hell, he’d been a soldier, hadn’t he? What could be better? 

The problem with patriotic frenzy, though, is that it turns against the leader who loses a war. You’ll find a box of historical examples by the door. Grab a handful on your way out. They’re both instructive and sobering. This particular patriotic frenzy, according to the BBC, which knows all, “had much to do with the outbreak in the mid-1450s of civil war (the ‘Wars of the Roses’). The recovery of the lost lands in France long remained a wishful national aspiration.” No one introduced the slogan Make England Great Again, but that’s only because the baseball cap hadn’t been invented.

Both England and France came away with an increased sense of nationhood and an increased indulgence in nationalism, not to mention a habit of looking down on each other. The English are still snippy about the French, and as far as I can tell with my limited French, the French are the same about the English, although they haven’t gone to war with each other lately. 

One final, and surprising outcome is the development of diplomacy. You wouldn’t expect such a mess of a war to lead to that, but it did. Experience began to be recognized as a surprisingly useful quality in negotiations. 

Who’d have thunk?

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I’m now fifty-two words over my limit. If you send me a self-addressed, stamped envelope, I’ll send your money back.

Drugs, apostrophes, and culture wars: it’s the news from Britain

Should we start with the drugs?

We should always start with the drugs.

The Emerging Chemical Contaminants team at Imperial College London reports that cocaine use doubled between 2011 and 2014-15. They measured this by testing the city’s waterways and they’ve informed us that so much was ingested (and then digested and then, um, ex-gested down the toilet) that even after the water was treated cocaine could be found in wild shrimp in rural Suffolk. 

But it’s not just cocaine that we generous humans share with our waterways and with the species who live there. It’s opioids. It’s antidepressants, painkillers, antipsychotics, and every other drug, prescription and otherwise, that we and our neighbors take. It’s also antibiotic resistant bugs. It’s microplastics. It’s raw sewage; we’ve had floods of that lately. Have I mentioned that in the name of efficiency Britain’s water systems were (and still are) privatized? If a person was cynical enough, they might say it’s more profitable to dump raw sewage than to treat it. 

Irrelevant photo: a begonia

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How does so much cocaine get into the country? Well, this doesn’t account for all of it, but back in May the National Crime Agency found £40 million worth of cocaine in a Yorkshire pub’s parking lot. Or car park, as folks here put it, making it sound like someplace we take our cars to play on the swings.

How’d it get there? The working theory is that it came from [you’ll have to fill in a geographical location here, because the newspapers aren’t saying] on a ship that sailed past Hull, slowing down only long enough to transfer the coke to an inflatable, which took it to a beach some 18 miles from the pub.

Now picture three guys loading £40 million worth of coke into their car, then saying, “Who fancies a nice breakfast, then?”

Whether they’d have been spotted if they hadn’t stopped for breakfast I don’t know,  but they were arrested at 8:30 and, I’m sure, had put in a long night. They’d earned that breakfast. We can only hope they got to finish it before the local cops, the National Crime Agency, and the Border Force came crashing through the door. 

 

What else has been found in Britain lately?

Something that’s been described as a “beautifully crafted Roman dodecahedron” was found in Lincoln. That was also in May. It’s one of 130 that have been found since the 19th century, all across what used to be the Roman Empire. 

Dodecahedrons have twelve sides and they’re hollow and no one has a clue what they were for. To date, no one’s found any mention of them in Roman art or writings. 

Dodecahedrons aren’t just objects a craftsperson could’ve just slapped together. They’re made of a copper alloy and feature holes and knobs that wouldn’t have been simple to make. 

Theories on what they were range from measuring instruments to stress toys to religious objects. (When an archeologist says something was a religious object, feel free to translate that as, We don’t have a clue what this was for.) And someone who I have to assume doesn’t knit suggested that they might’ve been knitting tools. Follow the link for a photo and see if you can find a way to use that in your knitting. 

The contexts they’ve been found in have been resolutely unhelpful in explaining what they were for, but they’re unquestionably old and the people who found this recent one were excited about it. 

 

Politics, lying, and language

An election’s approaching and the current government’s flailing around in search of an idea that voters might actually respond to. I’ll skip most of them. They’ll be forgotten by next week anyway, but I have to resurrect one that hit the news a few weeks ago anyway and has already passed through the shredder of our collective memory. In all its murkiness, it’s emblematic of our current politics: schools in England have been told they can no longer teach the “concept of gender identity,” although “secondary-school pupils will learn about protected characteristics, such as sexual orientation and gender reassignment.”

How can you discuss gender reassignment without discussing the concept of gender identity? Beats me. Maybe you tell the kids there’ll be a lottery and they just have to wait and see if their number’s drawn. Best advice? Don’t splurge on a wardrobe until you know whether you’ll be reassigned.

I recently heard the secretary of state on the radio, in full warlike mode and talking over and through the interviewer, explaining the danger trans women pose to women who were lucky enough to be supplied with the appropriate birth certificate at the time they entered the world. She wants to keep trans women from getting new birth certificates that would recognize them as women. 

Why? As far as I could figure out, it’s to protect us from men posing as women to use public toilets. She cited a case of a woman who’d been raped in a public toilet, who of would of course have been safe if the perpetrator had been unable to change their birth certificate.

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In Wales, the Plaid Cymru party is pushing to make it a criminal offense for a politician to lie–or at least to deliberately mislead parliament or the public. If that becomes law, life’s going to be interesting, although its impact will depend on the definition of mislead.

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So now we’ve banned lying, teaching “gender ideology,” and amended birth certificates. What’s left? Local government in North Yorkshire has–okay, it didn’t try to ban apostrophes but it did want to get rid of them in street names. They cause computer problems, and new street signs, they said, wouldn’t have them.

Want a clearer explanation? Of course you do, and a spokesperson provided it: “Street names and addresses, when stored in databases, must meet the standards set out in BS7666.” 

In what? Why, the naming system set up by the British Standards Institution, of course.

And what’s the British Standards Institution? “The national standards body of the United Kingdom,” Lord Google informs me. Or as the institution itself says, Our mission is to empower you to inspire trust, foster excellence and ensure safety in your organization; driving positive change for a better world.” 

That’s all good, then? We all know what we’re talking about here?

Of course we do.

The Cambridge city council tried to make the same change in 2014 but backed down after facing a small army of grammarians armed with well sharpened apostrophes. North Yorkshire quickly did the same.

 

Life in an English village

A flock of feral chickens has been found in Norfolk. 

“They’re out of control,” according to some residents of the chickens’ nearest village. They destroy the gardens and the food people leave for them attracts rats. 

That’s visitors leaving food, not residents. Visitors have swarmed in to see them. Or–okay, we don’t have numbers here. Maybe there’ve been enough visitors for a swarm and maybe we’re talking about one car every third day. You’re free to imagine packed tour buses if you like (Step right up, forks; see the feral chickens!) or one weedy individual on a bike, but do remember that your imagination may not match up with reality in any way.

Other residents have no problem with the birds. One said, “People in the new houses are moaning about them, but they’ve been here such a long time [that’s the chickens, not the people in the new houses] and there’s more important things going on in the world than a few chickens. They should get a life.

“Two of them have been in my garden since they were babies and they don’t bother me.”

Everything you need to know about Britain’s upcoming election

At long last, Britain has a date for its next election: July 4. We’ll get a new parliament, a new can of paint to splash over our problems, and if the polls are anything close to correct, a new prime minister. After much speculation and many rumors involving earlier (and later) dates, the announcement came on May 22. 

Why then? Well, it had to happen sooner or later. Every British government has a use-by date, and this particular government shows signs of curdling. The use-by date (to switch metaphors; sorry) has been lumbering toward us like some drunken Tory uncle. So Rishi Sunak, our prime minister du jour couldn’t put it off forever. And May 22 was a pretty good day to stand outside 10 Downing Street and make the announcement. 

Why? you ask ever so helpfully. (Thank you. You’re a wonderful audience.) Because it was raining, and what’s more British than standing in the rain and pretending you’re fine with it–in fact, you barely notice it. You don’t even bother with a raincoat. 

Irrelevant photo: A nifty program on my phone tells me this is a daisybush. Mt eyes, however, tell me that in real life it’s more of a vibrant pink than a lavender. Ah, well, it’s only here for filler.

At least that strikes me as very British, but then I’m not really British, I only pretend to be when I’m near a keyboard, so correct me if I’m wrong. Assuming, of course, that you actually know something on the subject. If you’re even less British than I am, do jump in but don’t expect to be taken seriously.

And if you’re entirely British? I still can’t promise to take you seriously. Them’s the risks. The choice is yours.

But back to Mr. du Jour. He might’ve gone over the top with that no-raincoat thing. Most of the people I know in Britain wear raincoats when it rains, or at least use umbrellas. Some wear raincoats when it doesn’t rain, because the weather might change its mind and start hurling water out of the sky at any minute. It’s Americans who don’t wear raincoats. Based on a sample of people who’ve come to visit us, Americans don’t own raincoats. When it rains, they wear cars.

I think something more lies behind Sunak’s timing, though. I believe he looked out the window, saw the rain, and like some Roman senator asking a priest what the insides of a poor dead chicken said about the future, he turned to a consultant or three and asked if rain meant it was an auspicious day to call an election.

Sure, they said, since he pays their invoices. Absolutely.

So out he went, into the rain, and someone blasted the song “Things Can Only Get Better” throughout his press conference. It’s the song Labour used in its 1997 campaign. 

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For the record, Mr. du Jour didn’t have to stand in the rain. He has access to dry, indoor spaces, known as rooms, where press conferences can be held. Just after his announcement, the opposition leader, Keir Starmer, held a press conference in exactly such a space, silently making the point that his party has enough sense to come in out of the rain. 

Reporters have had fun with Sunak’s choices, which is probably their revenge for having had to stand in the rain with him while he struggled to be heard over the music. Even the papers you’d expect to be friendly ran headlines like “10 Drowning Street.” The hostile ones quoted members of Mr. du Jour’s own party who (usually anonymously) said things like, “I just don’t understand” the timing of the election, and, “This is madness.”

What they meant was, If we’d waited until the last possible moment, surely things could have only gotten better.

 

What the polls tell us

The polls, the tea leaves, and the chicken entrails all predict a wipeout for the Conservatives, but if you read them carefully they also say that people aren’t giddy about the Labour Party either. Or, presumably, anyone else, but Labour’s the biggest of the opposition parties, so let’s stay with them. 

Labour’s 20 points ahead of the Conservatives (actual numbers may vary depending on polling methods and timing) but, surprisingly, it isn’t any more popular or trusted than it was in 2015, when the Conservatives won a big majority. Even fewer people think it has a good group of leaders or understands the country’s problems. Keir Starmer’s popularity is right up there–or down there–with last week’s bacon sandwich. You know the one: you wrapped it in a paper napkin and put it in the refrigerator, knowing you’d never eat it but convinced that if you waited until it was inedible you wouldn’t be wasting perfectly good food.

Okay, the polls didn’t mention the bacon sandwich, but the head of Ipsos, one of the main polling agencies, said, “Starmer’s personal ratings are the lowest Ipsos has eve rseen for an opposition leader who’s so far ahead in the overall voting intention. It is more disgust at the Tories [that’s another name for the Conservatives–you’re welcome] than delight at what Labour offer that is driving politics.” 

 

So how’s the campaign going?

Things have indeed gotten  better, at least for anyone who appreciates absurdity. Mr. du Jour made a campaign stop in Northern Ireland’s Titanic Quarter, and until social media went batshit, nobody on his staff seemed to notice that the symbolism wasn’t what they’d hoped for.

But politics isn’t made by sinking ships alone, so Mr du Jour added a new policy to the doormat of unfulfilled old promises: elect us, he said, and we’ll reinstate national service (that’s a polite term for the draft). Eighteen-year-olds will have to either serve a year in the military or find a charity willing to put up with them for a year’s worth of weekends. Or something along those lines. Details to be worked out later. Or not, since his party is unlikely to get re-elected.

It’s all pretty sketchy–he didn’t announce it until he couldn’t be expected to follow through  –but the sketch has been enough to set people screaming. And by people I don’t mean people I happen to know and agree with. A former chief of the naval staff–who, to be clear, I don’t hang out with–called the plan “bonkers.” Defence needs more money, he said, and this would suck money out. A former chief of the general staff called it “electoral opportunism.” And a former Tory defence minister said, “I very much doubt whether it’s been thought through.”

That’s not unlikely. Just two days before the plan was announced, the current defence minister said the government wasn’t planning to reinstate national service in any form. It “could damage morale, recruitment and retention, and would consume professional military and naval resources.” And if that wouldn’t be enough of a deterrent, it “would be difficult to find a proper and meaningful role for” the draftees.

I’m sure if you asked him today, he’d tell you it’s a great plan.

 

Meanwhile, in other electoral news

Back in early May, which now seems like a lifetime ago, London was electing a mayor, and one candidate, Count Binface, got more votes than the hard right Britain First Party. 

Count Binface? He’s a guy who runs for office periodically, appearing in a costume that includes a garbage bin that goes on his head. It’s worth following the link to see a picture. I’m sure his candidacy explains a lot about British politics, although I can’t figure out what, so let’s stick with fact: he more or less replaces the late, lamented Screaming Lord Sutch, of the Monster Raving Loony Party, who was a hard act to follow, having bagged the all-time best name.

The count does his best, however. On his website, he not only brags about beating Britain First, he also claims (accurately if not entirely fairly) to have gotten more votes for mayor of London than Rishi Sunak got for prime minister. The reason it’s not quite fair is that Sunak didn’t run for prime minister. That takes his vote count down to zero. One of the many quirks of the British political system is that if a party with a large enough parliamentary majority dethrones or otherwise mislays its prime minister, it can choose a new one without holding an election or in any other way consulting the electorate. All they have to do is follow their own rules to slip one into place. So our last two prime ministers, Rishi Sunak and Liz Tress, were chosen by the small number of people who voluntarily and inexplicably made themselves members of the Conservative Party.

 

But life in Britain isn’t all about politics 

I’d call this light relief, but maybe the election’s light relief and this is the sober stuff. Your call.

In Cheshire, someone brought a closed box into an animal hospital and explained that she’d rescued a baby hedgehog from the roadside but was worried about it, because it wasn’t touching the cat food she’d set in there for it. To keep from stressing it, she hadn’t touched it when she picked it up, just scooped it into the box, and she’d barely allowed herself to peek in, but she’d seen enough to be worried: it hadn’t “moved or pooped all night.”

The veterinarians boldly opened the box and found the bobble top from a gray knit cap. It was, as described, not eating, moving, or pooping, and they were unable to revive it, but somebody involved did leak the story to the press.

The early English novel, part 2: Clarissa, which was too long even in the abridged form

Last week, class, we discussed how the English novel emerged from the murky soil of class, gender, and (gasp) sexuality, although you shouldn’t spend too much time on that image. I’m reasonably sure it’ll come apart. (If you weren’t taking notes, you can find the post here.) Among other things, I said the early novels depended on the intensity created by the collision of (a) society’s limits on sexuality and (b) the possibility of transgressing those limits. No limits, no transgression. No transgression, no thrill.

So let’s look at one of the novels of the period. You thought you’d get out of here without having to do that, didn’t you? No such luck. We’re going to drag ourselves through Samuel Richardson’s Clarissa.

Why Clarissa? Because I had to read it in high school, and even though it was, mercifully, an abridged version it was still endless and until now I haven’t been able to redeem the time I lost to that book.

Your bad luck.

Irrelevant photo: a rhododendron

Clarissa tells the story of a virtuous young thing (VYT) sequestered by a louche older man (LOM) who threatens her virtue–repetitively and all because she strayed off the path and couldn’t tell the difference between Grandma and a wolf, the silly girl. It wasn’t entirely her fault—someone had set out diversion signs—but still, she took that first fatal step and it doesn’t matter whose fault it is: if it happened to her, and that moved her beyond redemption.

Admittedly, her parents (not her grandma, who as far as I can remember doesn’t appear in the story) have been unwise, insisting that she marry someone repellent. But they had to be or they’d never set the book in motion.

So: the sequestered VYT writes letters to her one and only friend (OOF) because letters are the social media of the day. Occasionally she tells LOM, “Wait, my quill just beeped,” which is enough to keep his hands off her for another hundred or so pages. The letters are the novel. VYT writes to OOF. OOF writes to VYT. LOM writes to his friend, clarifying his wickedness and VYT’s saintly stupidity.

It’s more than a little stilted, but hey, it was an early novel. Writers were still figuring out the form. Hell, I came along hundreds of years later and am writing what I hope will be my sixth novel and I’m still figuring out the form.

You want to know how the story ends, right? Clarissa loses her technical virtue (in other words, her virginity), which leads her to become even more genuinely virtuous, but she dies because how could a woman robbed of her technical virtue live to the last page? Decent society has no place for her, and decent women can’t survive outside of decent society. Decent authors kill them off. Decently.

I had to look up the ending. I not only didn’t remember it, I don’t remember much of what led up to it. What I did remember is that it all happened over and over, and in letters.

In hindsight, the idea that a woman’s virtue consisted of something more than an unnecessary bit of flesh was forward-looking. As was Richardson’s attitude toward money marriages. When I read it in high school, though, I was in possession of all the historical perspective of most teenagers–in other words, I didn’t get it–and his attitude toward women, sex, and morality offended (and bored) the hell out of me, even though this was back in the dark ages of the early 1960s, when we were supposed to accept absurd limits on women’s sexuality, even if we were past arranged marriages. I was one of those forward-thinking young people who was bored and offended before my time.

The book was a great hit when it was published, among other things because it gave young girls an example of how to write a letter if they were ever sequestered by an LOM who threatened their virtue.

The point, however, is that the earliest English novels balanced on a social tightrope. Whatever respectability they had–and it was pretty tenuous (see last week’s post)–depended on promoting conventional morality, while their readability depended on the thrill of transgressing it. Daniel Defoe wrote rogues who rollicked along sinfully for pages and pages only to find remorse and respectability by the end of the tale, at which point they became too dull for the book to go on. And Henry Fielding’s Tom Jones caroused his way across many a page before finding a way back into society and family because a man’s virtue didn’t depend on a disposable bit of flesh or a spotless past.

I’m sure you can still find people who’ll swear the culture’s been going downhill ever since the novel came along, but (or maybe that should be because) it opened up a space where women could discover themselves, and crucially women did this not only as readers but–and this was shockingly new–as writers.

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I’m looking for topic suggestions, especially for odd corners of English history or culture that might be interesting to explore. I can’t promise to take them–some topics just don’t work, however promising they look at first–but I’d love to hear from you.

The early English novel: morality and–oooh–transgression

It’s easy to think about the past as one long, undifferentiated stretch of sexual repression for women, during which rich men sexually harrassed the servants, kept mistresses, and picked up prostitutes, all while maintaining their status as upstanding members of the community, and single women who had the bad luck to become pregnant were tossed out into the snow to become prostitutes because what else was left for them and, after all, how else was the supply of prostitutes to be maintained?

That’s not completely off base, but it’s also not completely on base either. Nothing’s ever that simple.

 

Irrelevant photo, with an important update: I originally said I was reasonably sure this is a speedwell. I was wrong. It’s alkanet. A wildflower, though, growing in what it decided was the right place.

The Georgian Era

Let’s plunk ourselves down in the Georgian era (that’s, oh, say 1714 to 1830), because sexual attitudes were changing, especially among what one essay I read calls, without defining them, the upper classes. Think of those classes as the zone where the aristocracy met the monied upstarts. As attitudes shifted, upper-class men could be open about having mistresses, and upper-class married women could conduct affairs, although if one of them got pregnant decency demanded that she give up her child.

Decency’s a strange old bird and not prone to making logical demands.

Why the change? Several reasons: One, more of the population had moved to cities, where people couldn’t do as good a job of watching (and gossiping about) each other as they had in villages and small towns, so community sexual policing wasn’t as efficient as it had been. Two, the power of both extreme Protestantism and the Church of England were fading. People were sizing their morality to fit themselves rather than having it handed to them, all stitched and starched into predetermined dimensions. And three, printing–the technology that had made the Bible accessible to anyone who could read it–now made male-oriented pornography (or erotica if you’re happier thinking of it that way) available to anyone who could afford it (and, of course, read–this was before photos).

Increasing numbers of people could read.

That sound you hear is history’s cracked laughter.

Printing also made written advice about sex available, in the forms of both sex manuals and anti-masturbation tracts. You can date the culture’s obsessive fear of masturbation to this era.

Men were assumed to have sexual needs. Women were assumed to be, by nature, more virtuous. This edged out the earlier belief that women were naturally more lustful, which somehow coexisted with the belief that men just kind of naturally raped women if they wanted to and could.

Don’t try to make sense of it. Your brain will catch on fire.

So sexuality (at least for the upper class) was changing, but only within limits. Step outside the limits and society wouldn’t be forgiving–at least not if you’d shown the poor judgement to be of the female persuasion. But society had at least drawn a larger circle for people to stay within, and stepping across that new line was not only imaginable but thrilling. So writing about it could be lucrative.

 

Enter the novel

We could argue about who wrote the first English novel, but since you’re not actually present and I don’t much care, we won’t. Let the experts place their bets on Chaucer or Defoe or–oh, never mind, other people. We’ll just date it to the early eighteenth century (locking Chaucer out; sorry Geoff) and slam the door in case the experts get noisy. We–or to be more accurate, I–are or am more interested in using the novel as a way to drop into eighteenth century English society.

If you want to argue that we should be talking about Britain instead of England, please do. I have trouble finding the borders. They danced back and forth a bit over the centuries, and no matter where they were people flowed back and forth, books flowed back and forth, even kings and politics flowed back and forth, so how would I know where they were at just the badly defined moment when the novel came into existence?

But while you’re putting your arguments together, I’m going to take advantage of the silence and talk about the novel’s position in eighteenth-century England: Decent people looked down their upper-class noses at it.

What was wrong with it? Well, it appealed to–and was often written by–the middle class. And if that wasn’t bad enough, it was read for the most part by (oh, the shame of it) women. On top of which, it was commercial, and that’s another way of saying it was popular, which even today is understood to mean that it couldn’t possibly be any good.

Who understands popular that way? Why, the people who matter, of course, and I’m always in favor of annoying them.

So the novel was a way for silly people to waste their time, and that attitude still hangs in our cultural corners like a cobweb. As late as the 1980s, when a friend of mine taught at a girls’ public school (if you’re not British, understand that public means private; don’t try to make sense of it), the school librarian informed her that one didn’t read novels in the morning. They were (just barely, I’m guessing) acceptable in the afternoon, but the morning was for nonfiction–in other words, for books that improved one’s mind and character.

Ah, but the novel committed worse sins than frivolity and popularity and keeping bad company. Any number of women wrote novels–some even under their own names–and what’s worse they made a success of it.

Well, no wonder people looked down on the form. And by people, of course, I mean people who thought they were better than women and the middle class. In other words, we’re talking about a small but influential number of folks.

 

The middle class

Here we’d better stop and define the middle class, because it’s easy to find people who’ll tell you how important it’s emergence was, politically, culturally, or economically, but it’s hard to find a solid definition of what they’re talking about. Does being middle class depend on your income, your lifestyle (don’t get me started on what, if anything, lifestyle means), your aspirations, your education, your relationship to the means of production? Or since we’re talking about Britain (or possibly England), your accent or your ancestors?

The answer depends on who you ask, and anything that hard to define should be approached with caution and a supply of dog treats in case it bites. As (at least in part) an American, I’m acutely aware of this, since almost the entire U.S. population considers itself middle class. Dog treats may not be enough.

In Britain of the eighteenth century, the definition was either complicated or clarified, or possibly both, by the existence of a hereditary aristocracy and an impoverished urban and rural working class. Pretty much anyone you couldn’t slot into either of those two groups qualified as middle class.

The problem there is that such a varied collection of people got dumped into the middle class bucket that they didn’t have a whole lot in common. The bucket accumulated everyone from threadbare clerks to mega-industrialists, along with lawyers (great and small) and managers and engineers and the most marginal shopkeepers. But hazy as the definition is, large as the bucket had to be to hold them all, it’s the definition we have. Let’s work with it.

Whatever the middle class was, it grew rapidly in the seventeenth century, both in numbers and in (unevenly distributed) power. A number of people who weren’t part of the aristocracy were rude enough to get rich off the industrial revolution, and the aristocracy resented that. In the logic of the times, it made sense that the aristocracy looked down on them all. The only respectable way to make money was from land—preferably land that had been in your family since the Norman invasion—and the newly rich were making their money from (do forgive me if I use coarse language here) trade.

And then, to further complicate the picture, a group of people who didn’t get rich got solvent (in either absolute or relative terms), and they had the nerve to proliferate.

But despise the middle class as they would, the aristocracy was stuck with them–especially with the brash industrialists who had too much money to dismiss entirely. So much money, in fact, that the aristocracy shamefacedly married some of their kids to industrialists’ kids.

So parts of the middle class lived very comfortably, thanks, while other parts clung as hard as they could to the lower edges of respectability. And many of them, on all parts of the spectrum, wanted a bit of culture, some because it brightened their lives and their brains and others because culture was the kind of thing that people with money were supposed to buy and at least pretend to appreciate.

Put that together with the growing number of people who could read and had a bit of leisure and what happened? The publishing industry invented itself. Booksellers popped up–mostly men but a few women–and they often doubled as publishers.

But this growing middle class audience wasn’t impressed with the books the aristocracy liked. They wanted books that spoke to their experience of the world, and when the novel came along, that’s what it spoke to, so the novel became an important part of the book trade. Some of those novels were what we think of today as the classics, but they were joined by any number of now-forgotten (probably forgettable and often anonymous) novels that writers cranked out to pick up on the trend of the moment.

If you want a modern parallel, think about science fiction or mysteries. They’re popular, so a lot of pretty awful ones get published on the theory that someone’ll buy them–and someone often does. If you want to look down on either genre, you’ll find lots of ways to prove they’re schlock. Some, though, are competent entertainment and others are not only well written but look deeply into our convoluted world. Both forms have opened up ways to consider the world that earlier genres didn’t make possible.

The same thing happened when writers who weren’t straight, white, middle-to-upper class, Christian, and male broke into print. They spoke to new groups of readers, and they brought new life, energy, understanding, and excitement to publishing–along with new readers.

And a predictable number of people despised them for it and blew trumpets announcing the end of literature, or possibly Western civilization and culture in general.

That’s what it was like when the novel brought middle-class voices into the public conversation. A whole new world became visible. The books may look like the same-old same-old now, but in their time they were a quiet revolution.

By the mid-eighteenth century, circulating libraries (as opposed to the private libraries belonging to either institutions or the wealthy) had come along, and by the end of the century you could find them even in small towns. Books were expensive, but you could pay a library subscription and borrow one after another after another. And again, novels made up a healthy portion of the libraries’ stock.

The public library hadn’t been dreamed of yet. If a poor person could read and was hungry for books, they’d be well advised to steal them. And to be careful about how they did it, because the punishments for even small thefts were horrifying.

 

What’s all this got to do with morality?

Dragging along in the novel’s wake, with their heads dipping below the waves as they went, came the moralists, sputtering disapproval every time they surfaced. The novel’s reader, they reminded anyone who’d listen, was typically a woman. A young woman. An impressionable young woman (sorry—this level of hyperventilated disapproval demands italics; be grateful I haven’t broken into the exclamation points), who could easily be led astray or overstimulated.

No, I’m not sure what they meant by overstimulated either. I suspect it had something to do with sex, which impressionable young women weren’t supposed to know about or be interested in, although they were prone to falling in love inconveniently, but that, of course, was sentimental, not sexual because see the beginning of the sentence, Q.E.D. And if that seems like circular reasoning, it lost none of its power just because it made no sense. It kept a fair number people trapped in its eddy for many a circuit.

Did I mention that the above applied only to decent impressionable young women? If we’re talking about fallen women and women of the lower classes, a whole different set of truisms would have to be taken out of mothballs.

Middle-class women read novels in part because the more respectable they–that’s the women, not the novels–were, the less likely they were to be able to take any action in the world. They couldn’t work. They couldn’t run a business or own anything in their own names. They couldn’t vote. They had no legal claim even on their children. If their husbands had enough money, they couldn’t clean or cook or get muddy in the garden, because lesser mortals would do that for them. Their education had suited them better for decorative roles than for useful ones.

If they read, it was because they could. Sitting around looking decorative can get old, and a book can open a larger world. And it doesn’t leave dirt under your fingernails, so no one has to know what you’ve been up to.

I started out by saying that sexual conventions were changing, and they were, but they were contradictory and still powerful, especially for marriageable young women, whose sexuality had to be controlled. A good marriage depended on the bride being a virgin, or at least passing for one.

Conventions and morals, though, are never a perfect fit for the real world. Young women faced twin perils: men and themselves. Even the best-protected woman might be raped, and forget the trauma that caused, it would ruin her on the marriage market unless it could be covered up. As for herself, even the most carefully brought up young woman might fall in love with an inconvenient man.

This was the novel’s home turf: convention and transgression. The novel needed both. Without rigid conventions, it couldn’t have transgression. Without transgression, it couldn’t have thrills.

 

Tune in next week . . .

. . . for the next exciting installment, because this is already too long. I’ll post the second half of it, which at long last makes use of a dismal novel I had to read in high school.  What could be more enticing?

The Anglo-Saxon silver penny and the blank spots in Anglo-Saxon history

Read the British press long enough and you’ll start to think every third Briton is out wandering the fields in the hope of digging up ancient metallic goodies. The country’s awash with people waving metal detectors over the earth, and when one or another of them finds a horde, often of coins, it’s news. And why not? We all love a story about some average Joe (and it does tend to be a Joe, not a Josie) finding buried treasure. 

But what happens to the coins after they find their way to a museum? I’ve pretty much assumed they sit in a case so we can look at them and think how thrilled we should be but aren’t. 

Although maybe that’s just me. I can appreciate a helmet or a brooch. Coins, though? I tend to nod off. But for all I know, seeing a pile of coins in a display case sets other people alight. Either way, a team of researchers has been studying Anglo-Saxon coins and they’re doing something more than just looking at them in a display case.

 

Irrelevant photo: A camellia–which wouldn’t have been in Britain when the Anglo-Saxons were traipsing around.

What coins are we talking about?

Silver pennies. Something like 7,000 of them have been found, dating to a 90-year period, 660 to 750 CE. That’s as many as have been found from the rest of the Anglo-Saxon era (the 5th century to 1066 CE)–and I’ll go out on a limb and assume that means as many coins, not specifically pennies. The wording in the sources I’m working from is ambiguous.

The silver penny came into existence to replace a small, gold coin called scillinga, or as the word’s come down to us, schilling. At the time, that would’ve seemed like a big change–if, of course, you were part of the money economy. But this period marks a shift: more and more people were being drawn into the money economy. 

The silver penny remained England’s primary coin until the 14th century. 

 

The research

To study the coins, the researchers looked at trace elements and took microscopic samples so they could analyze their lead isotopes. 

Why bother? Becauselead isotopic ratios may be used in age dating and petrogenetic tracing of igneous, metamorphic, and hydrothermal rocks.”

Did that help?

I didn’t think it would. Basically, analyzing lead isotopes can tell you stuff , but only if you know how to listen. I don’t, so I trotted along behind the experts and listened to them instead.

Here’s what I learned:

First, that they used a new technique involving lasers and very tiny samples of the coins. In other words, they took so little that they got to have their cake and eat only the tiniest sliver of it. 

Second, that although these are silver pennies, they have traces of gold, bismuth, and other elements I know next to nothing about except that they can tell  the researchers where the silver came from, which in turn tells historians who was trading with who and how much.

Third, that the coins weren’t made from recycled Roman silver–either old Roman coins or fancy tableware. The silver was from Byzantium. The study’s lead author, Dr Jane Kershaw, said, “These coins are among the first signs of a resurgence in the northern European economy since the end of the Roman Empire. They show deep international trade connections between what is now France, the Netherlands, and England.” 

But the silver itself would’ve gotten to western Europe decades before the coins were made, because trade and diplomatic contact were at a low point in the late 7th century. They probably spent the intervening years as fancy stuff that impressed the neighbors. 

One of the study’s co-authors speculates that Byzantine silver found its way to England by way of trade, diplomatic payments, and Anglo-Saxon mercenaries serving in the Byzantine army.

According to a co-author, Rory Naismith, “Elites in England and Francia were almost certainly sitting on this silver already. We have very famous examples of this: the silver bowls discovered at Sutton Hoo and the ornate silver objects in the Staffordshire Hoard.”

Sutton Hoo? That’s where an Anglo-Saxon king was buried in an entire ship with a hoard of treasure. If someone had melted down the Sutton Hoo silver, they would’ve had enough silver for 10,000 pennies. 

The Staffordshire Hoard? More of the same but minus the ship. And the burial. It’s “the largest collection of Anglo-Saxon gold and silver metalwork ever found,” Take a look at the museum’s photos in the link two lines up. It’s beautiful stuff–and no one has a clue why it was buried.

As Kershaw explained, such “beautiful prestige objects would only have been melted down when a king or lord urgently needed lots of cash. Something big would have been happening, a big social change.

“This was quantitative easing, elites were liquidating resources and pouring more and more money into circulation. It would have had a big impact on people’s lives. There would have been more thinking about money and more activity with money involving a far larger portion of society than before.”

In other words, more people were being pulled into an expanding money economy: more money in circulation and more people circulating it.

I’d love to line that up with a quick sketch of some relevant events in the Anglo-Saxon kingdoms at the time, but although I can find some irrelevant ones, relevant poses a problem. So little is known about the era. And that’s what makes this way of thinking about the coins important: it hints at ways the Anglo-Saxon kingdoms were changing, and if it doesn’t quite fill in the blanks it does at least let us pencil some possibilities into the picture. But we’ll have to learn to live with a lot of blank spaces.

Politics, fleas, and lettuce: it’s the news from Britain

It’s an odd time in British politics. The Conservative Party has a massive majority in the House of Commons, which gives it the ability to push through just about any bill that doesn’t offend too many of its own MPs, and guess what: it’s falling apart. It’s a riveting spectator sport, but sooner or later some new government will come in and it’ll have to clean up after them. I don’t envy them that.

Where shall we start?

 

Let’s start with Liz Truss

Truss is Britain’s all-time champion, record-holding, shortest-term-serving prime minister, and if that isn’t enough glory for one person, in that very short time she also managed to crash the economy. That last bit happened in a fit of hubris. 

Hubris? It’s a disease politicians get that makes them think willpower is enough to transform the unworkable into the workable. It comes from the Greek and originally meant “Liz! No! Don’t cut the red wire.”

She went ahead and cut the red wire. You knew she would.

 

Entirely relevant photo: Wild garlic. It’s keeps midges away. It’s not proven to work on fleas or prevent hubris, but no one’s proved that it won’t.

While she was in office,, 13% of Tory voters switched to the Labour Party and she went from a net favorability rating of +41 among Conservative voters to a -30.

Stop nickering. Not everyone can do that.

Toward the end of her brief tenure, a newspaper ran a live feed of a head of iceberg lettuce to see which one would last longer, Liz or Lettuce. Lettuce, rather famously, outlasted her. I’d love to organize a demonstration against her. I don’t much care about the reason, I just want to be part of a group of people standing around quietly, respectfully, and visibly with lettuce leaves on our heads. Everyone will know what we mean.

Anyway, Liz is back in the headlines with what’s being widely called a memoir of her time in office (she says it’s not but who listens to her?), called Ten Years to Save the West: Lessons from the Only Conservative in the Room. 

How’s it selling? It’s been outsold by an air fryer cookbook. In its crucial first week, it sold 2,228 copies even though it got a huge amount of free publicity. You can find political memoirs that’ve done worse, so she’s not setting any head-of-lettuce-style records here, but those aren’t impressive sales. She was paid an advance of £1,512, indicating that her publisher didn’t think it had a hot property on its hands.

But forget sales. Let’s talk about content. Truss was in office for 49 days and the book runs to 320 pages (with or without an index and footnotes; I’m not sure), so she’s given us a bit more than 6 pages per day. Including weekends. Among other things, she tells us that 1) when she inherited the PM’s Downing Street apartment from Boris Johnson, she also inherited fleas from (presumably) Johnson’s dog, and 2) the queen died a few days after Truss took office. Despair wasn’t listed as the official cause of death but it would be reckless to rule it out as a contributing factor. 

That filled less than a single page, so I’m sure she has other things to say too. In fact, I know she does, because the book includes a quote widely circulated in antisemitic conspiracy circles, which incorrectly has the long-dead and Jewish banker Mayer Amschel Rothschild wanting to control a nation’s money. An unnamed source “close to Ms Truss” explained that it was all okay, though, because she didn’t mean anything by it. 

It’s particularly British to say something isn’t racist or whatever-ist because the person who said it didn’t mean it to be. I have yet to convince a single soul that their (or someone else’s) intentions are beside the point.

The close-to-Truss source explained that “numerous online sources have stated that [the quote] was attributed to Rothschild, so she simply attributed it thus. Clearly nothing more was meant of it.”

Will that little fuckup lead Truss to wonder if she’s hanging out in the wrong circles and reading some unreliable, not to mention unsavory, sources? I doubt it. If she doesn’t mean or recognize it to be antisemitic, it must not be.

The phrase If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas does come to mind.  

Her publisher has promised to cut the quote from future editions. 

Will there be any future editions? Your guess is as good as mine.

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To be clear: the logic that something is only antisemitic if you mean it to be antisemitic does not apply if you attend a march against genocide in Gaza. 

 

Is Truss typical of the party?

Not at all. The rest of the party outlasted the lettuce. Once you get past that, though, she might have gotten her antisemitic fleas from sources closer to home than Johnson’s dog. It turns out that several Conservative Party politicians, staff members, and activists have been running Facebook groups–a whole network of them–that are filled with misinformation, Islamophobia, antisemitism, white supremacism, conspiracy theories, and threats. The people running the groups weren’t public about their role. It took a Greenpeace investigative unit to dig out the connection.

Senior Tories have posted on the sites and seven Tory MPs are members.

The groups’ rules ban hate speech etc. etc., but posts that violate the rules weren’t taken down and the people who posted them weren’t banned.

The party has said it will review its “processes and policies.” It may or may not invest in flea powder. I’m not putting any bets on that.

 

What else is happening?

Chris Philip, Britain’s policing minister (no, I didn’t know we had one either) appeared on  the BBC’s show Question Time and discovered that Rwanda isn’t the same country as the Democratic Republic of Congo

The question leading to this revelation wasn’t a gotcha question. Rwanda’s central to the only thing our prime minister du jour, Rishi Sunak, believes is important: deporting refugees to Rwanda if they arrive in Britain the wrong way. 

What’s the right way? Sorry, we don’t have many left, but that seldom makes its way into the discussion. 

The policing minister is part of the Home Office, and deporting people is not only the responsibility of the Home Office, it’s been the Home Office’s favorite occupation for years now. So knowing what country they hope to deport people to would seem to be at least vaguely relevant to his job description. 

What happened was that someone in the audience asked if a refugee from the Democratic Republic of Congo would be deported to Rwanda even though tension between the countries is high and they have a history of violence. The minister explained that he didn’t think anyone from Rwanda would be deported to Rwanda.

Um, no, the audience member said. He wasn’t talking about people from Rwanda.

Congo is a different country to Rwanda, isn’t it?” asked the sage from the Home Office.

Philip has since explained that the question was rhetorical. And that he had trouble hearing. And that the dog ate his homework.

A Liberal Democrat on the panel summed up the interchange by saying that we don’t have “a serious government.”

 

How are we to understand all this?

At least one major paper has been driven to–well, if not predict the future at least try to understand the present by reading not the prime minister’s tea leaves but his tea mugs. Or as they put it, his teaware.

I’d never heard of teaware before I read the headline, proving that even after 18 years in Britain I’m still American. My spell check program has heard of it and so has Lord Google, who’d be happy to help me part with money in exchange for some, so apparently teaware is a real thing.

The Guardian’s gone back through photos from several of Suank’s public appearances to read the messages on his mugs and noted a union flag cup, a cup with dog pictures, a cup showing a 10, presumably to remind us of his current address, and several company-logo cups when he visited places where people do actual work. 

According to journalist and, um, political mug expert Stephen Bush, getting the mugs into his photos is a way “to signal he is somewhat normal. . . . They’re a good way of being like: ‘Oh yeah, look, I’m a normal guy. I love this country. Look at me drinking from my normal guy cup.’ “

If this sounds somewhat desperate, I have a lettuce in the refrigerator that I’d be happy to lend you.

 

So is the party united?

One reason Sunak’s so fixated on the Rwanda plan is that he suffers from the delusion that putting it into action will placate the right wing of his party, return his party to power at the next election, and keep the antimatter from mixing with the matter-matter, although my reading of the teacups is that nothing short of seppuku would placate them right now. They got a taste of power with the Brexit election think they’re entitled to more.    

I am, sadly, not the right person to comment on the matter-matter and antimatter, although I’m sure it does matter.

A group of MPs on the right of the party apparently want to dump Sunak before the next election and replace him with Penny Mordaunt. They’re probably not the only group hatching a plot, just the one I happened to have a detail or three about. The theory behind the plot is that if she took power, her right-wing initiatives on tax and immigration would win the country’s heart and proving all the polls wrong the Tories would wipe out Labour. 

The plan is apparently called 100 Days to Save Britain, which is faster if less ambitious than taking 10 years to save the West. 

Mordaunt apparently wants no part of it and said speculation about the plot is “codswallop.”

Why isn’t she interested? Because the last person whose hands were on the wheel gets the blame when the ship goes down, and every election-watcher in the country says the ship’s headed straight for the iceberg. Mordaunt would much rather wait for Sunak to sink it, then see if she can’t raise whatever’s left from the seabed.

We’ll leave that metaphor before it takes us down with it. 

Local elections are scheduled for May 2–that’s the future as I write this and the past as you read it–and the Tories are expected to have a disastrous night. And day. And day after that, all of which could shift MPs already plotting against Sunak into high gear. That in turn could trigger Sunak to call a snap election in order to head them off. If he does, he and his party won’t be expected to do well, but it’s one of a series of bad choices he has. If he has any good choices, I can’t see where they’re hidden.

The party’s jitters have only been increased by one of its MPs–a former health minister–defecting to Labour. He’s a doctor and said, “I have to be able to look my NHS colleagues in the eye and my constituents in the eye. And I know that the Conservative government has been failing on the thing I care about most, which is the NHS and its patients.”

He doesn’t plan to run in the next election but hopes to advise Labour on the NHS.

 

One more bit of mayhem and I’ll stop

According to leaked documents, senior Conservative Party officials looked seriously at–in fact, worked on–a plan to hand the party’s membership database to a commercial outfit that would have used it to track members’ locations and send them ads, with the party taking a cut of the sales. It would make the party tens of millions of pounds, they promised.

The idea came from Christen Ager-Hanssen, a Norwegian businessman who went bust in the dotcom bubble and was involved in the collapse of a Swedish newspaper. He went on to work for a cryptocurrency company that was going to be part of the deal. 

What could possibly go wrong?

The party hasn’t said why it abandoned the idea, but it could have had something to do with the cryptocurrency company firing Ager-Hanssen.

 

And from the Department for Studying Life’s Little Ironies . . .

. . . comes this: homelessness activist Stuart Potts was scheduled to talk to  last year’s Conservative Party conference about the problems ex-prisoners face. He wasn’t allowed into the hall because of his criminal record.

As if running a marathon wasn’t hard enough: it’s the news from Britain

More than one person ran last weekend’s London marathon carrying a refrigerator. To be clear, that’s one refrigerator per runner, not a shared one. Admittedly, these weren’t the six-foot-tall kind that loom over a kitchen. They were the kind that fit under the counter and mind their own business, that are shorter than your average human, and that can, if you’re crazy enough, be strapped to your back and carried for long distances, although most people don’t care to do that. 

Laura Bird is one of the people who cared to, and she’s probably the one I heard on the radio. “You have to follow your dreams,” she said. Or if it wasn’t her, it was some other woman who ran the marathon carrying a refrigerator. I was driving and didn’t take notes. 

Whoever she was, she left me wondering whether as a culture we haven’t taken this follow-your-dreams stuff too far. I dreamed about scraping the side of my car on a rock the other night. Some dreams can just stay dreams. It’s okay.

Irrelevant photo: Honesty–which is, honestly, the name of the flower.

 

Daniel Fairbrother, another fridge carrying runner, stole the limelight, though, by stopping partway through the race to get down on one knee and propose to his girlfriend. With the fridge still on his back. He also made headlines during a training run, when he was stopped by the police, who thought he might have been an ambitious shoplifter.

“You do know . . . they’ll deliver it for you.” the cop said once he was convinced that he was just dealing with some innocent maniac.

I don’t know if this is strictly a British thing. Lord Google informs me that someone’s keeping track of the fastest time for completing a marathon while carrying a household appliance, which does argue for it being more than a personal quirk but tells us nothing about what country or countries can claim the quirk. So if you know whether people are carrying refrigerators in in other countries’ marathons, leave me a comment, will you? I need to know this.

And while we’re at it, I’d love to hear about whether it’s strictly a British thing to run races dressed as–oh, I don’t know, bananas or phone booths or ballerinas. Because people do that here too. 

*

If carrying a refrigerator isn’t one of the dreams you want to follow, you could consider marathon wine tasting. Tom Gilbey tasted a glass of wine at every mile along the route, trying to name the vintage, the grape, and the producer. He got 4 wrong and 21 “mostly” right. He kept from getting pie-eyed, he said, by taking only small sips or spitting the wine out if it wasn’t good, but in the photo the BBC ran he looks a little the worse for wear and the BBC says his verdicts became hazier as he got closer to the finish line.

At one point in the race, he said, “There was a real trio of bad ‘uns, and then around a similar point I was overtaken by a fridge. So that was sad.”

He did raise money for charity, but it was also, ever so incidentally, great publicity for his, ahem, “wine event experience” business.  

 

As long as we’re talking about household appliances

I’m endlessly fascinated by the obscenities of an unequal society. This one comes from Harrods–a store that’s not known for its bargains–which is offering an “ironing system” for under £4,000. Exactly $1 under, because any marketer knows £3,999 looks like a lot less than £4,000.

I need to add a link here to prove I’m not hallucinating.

How is an ironing system different from an iron and an ironing board? Well, it has a cover–that’s important–and a water tank and wheels and a cable rewinder and a bunch of verbiage that may or may not mean anything. I’m not the best person to judge. Ironing’s against my religion.

What do you do with an almost-£4,000 ironing system? Why, you iron your clothes, that’s what. And your sheets and underwear and socks. And your dishrags. I suspect the system has too many pieces to carry in a race, although the wheels might tempt a creative sort to roll it.

 

Outdated literary gossip

Let’s change gears. There’s nothing like a literary trash fight to get the blood circulating, even when it’s old news.  

Very old news. Back in the 1920s, when John Betjeman (later a poet laureate) was a student of C.S. Lewis’s (best known for writing The Chronicles of Narnia), Betjeman annoyed Lewis enough that he he wrote in his diary, “I wish I could get rid of this idle prig.” But he didn’t keep his dislike to  himself: he refused to support Betjeman’s bid for an honors degree.

Years later, the preface to one of Betjeman poetry collections thanks “Mr CS Lewis for the fact on page 256.”

The book has 45 pages.

 

And the news from abroad is . . .

In the US, ice cream sales increased by 3.1 percent in areas that had recently made recreational marijuana legal. Cookie sales increased by 4.1 percent, and chip [that would be potato chip] sales increased by 5.3 percent. 

I can’t give you a link for that. It comes from Britannica’s “One Good Fact”–a daily email featuring random bits of useless information. My life is immeasurably richer for having received this one.

*

Someone in Iceland is working to run a glacier for president. It seems to meet the requirements: it’s more than 35 years old and–well, you could at least argue that it’s a citizen. It needs a civil registration number, though, so the originator of the idea, Angela Rawlings, took its name–Snaefellsjokulll–as her middle name so she can be a proxy for the glacier on the ballot.

If you have a spare umlaut, drop it in there somewhere, would you? I’ve run out, it’s late, and the shop’s closed. 

A team of people is now working on the campaign, and like the fridge runners, who run to raise money for charities, they’re up to something serious.

“I come from the indigenous lands of Siberia,” Rawlings said, “and there the personhood of nature is something that is so common to the culture and the psyche in general.” The glacier is melting and she hopes its candidacy will put climate change at the center of the election.

*

In Barcelona, residents are fed up with tourists.

Okay, lots of places are fed up with tourists. They price locals out of housing, they travel in hordes, and most of them are convinced that them having a good time is more important than someone else having an everyday life. Not long after they hit critical mass, all the old shops are replaced by bars and nightclubs and vomitoria and by places selling key chains and ice cream cones and overpriced food. In Barcelona, so many tourists were taking the number 116 bus that residents complained they couldn’t get home. 

Why that bus? It goes by Antoni Gaudi’s Park Guell (that needs an umlaut too; thanks), which is on the tourist must-see list.  

Now the city council has had the bus taken off of  Apple and Google maps, and that’s made it invisible–except to residents.

Local activist Cesar Sanchez (add an accent please; the accent shop has been replaced by one renting wetsuits to tourists) said, “We laughed at the idea at first, but we’re amazed that the measure has been so effective.”

***

After last week’s post about the National Health Service, a friend sent me a link to FullFact‘s look at Rishi Sunak’s pledge to reduce NHS waiting times.

How’d he do? “Despite the ambiguity in the pledge, NHS waiting lists in England, for planned treatment, increased throughout the year following Sunak’s pledge.” Ditto waiting lists for Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland.

The NHS has other kinds of waiting lists, including ones called hidden waiting lists–sorry, no data get published for those–but the list for planned treatment is the one politicians usually mean.

Did they grow because those dastardly NHS employees were on strike so much? Well, yes, but that added to the numbers, but they’d have grown anyway, even if the government had settled with them up front.

The early days of Britain’s National Health Service

The National Health Service–known to friends and wolves-in-friends’-clothing alike as the NHS–began in 1948, when World War II was over but food was still both scarce and rationed, the economy was just staggering out of a severe recession (no, I hadn’t heard of it either), and the empire was in the process of collapse. 

Introduce anything so ambitious these days and every sober advisor in (and out of) sight would tell you, Get serious. Maybe you could just replace the program with a nice slogan. So how did the prime minister, Clement Atlee, and his minister of health, Aneurin Bevan, manage this little trick?

For starters, the system they introduced didn’t drop from the sky. It had been taking shape since at least 1909

 

Irrelevant photo: A camellia–although if you read to the end it becomes semi-relevant since you could argue that it’s deepest pink. Or at least tinged with red.

 

Background

Here at Notes, we–by which, of course, I mean I–can never tell a story without going backward first, so let’s go backward. What happened in 1909 was the publication of the Minority Report of the Royal Commission on the Poor Law, under the leadership of Beatrice Webb. The commission was looking for something that would replace the Poor Law and the punitive Victorian workhouses. The minority report argued for “a national minimum of civilised life . . . open to all alike, of both sexes and all classes, by which we meant sufficient nourishment and training when young, a living wage when able-bodied, treatment when sick, and modest but secure livelihood when disabled or aged.”

Its focus was on preventing poverty rather than providing relief once it was entrenched. But this was a minority report. The majority report argued for individual responsibility and charity. 

What happened? The party in power, the Liberals, tossed both reports into the revolving file, also known as the trash, but Webb and her fellow Fabian socialists printed copies of the minority report and sold 25,000 of them. I’d be happy to see one of my books sell half as well. 

The minority report had far more impact than the majority’s and became  central to the thinking that eventually formed Britain’s welfare state. In some estimates, it led to the Beveridge Report, which leads us to our next subhead.

 

The Beveridge Report 

Despite its name, this was not a misspelled report on what people drank. It was a 1942 report that created the blueprint for a cradle-to-grave social services system. Most importantly for our purposes, it included the idea of a free health service, funded by the state and spreading the cost of healthcare out over the country’s population instead of having it fall on the individual or family unlucky enough to get sick. 

Some 250,000 copies of the full report were sold, along with 370,000 of an abridged version and 40,000 of an American edition. In twelve months. 

Britain’s 2,700 hospitals, at this point, were run by a mix of charities and local governments. National insurance existed, but it only covered people who were working. The number of wounded coming back from the war pushed the system toward bankruptcy, adding to the pressure for a unified, state-run health service.

 

Churchill, Atlee, the war, and the welfare state 

During the war–that’s World War II in case you got lost somewhere along the way–the Conservative and Labour parties governed in coalition. Churchill–a Conservative–was the prime minister, and Labour, the junior partner. pushed for the Beveridge report to be put into practice. Churchill was reluctant to commit the country to hefty new expenses until the postwar economic picture was clear, but he also advocated a “national compulsory insurance for all classes for all purposes from the cradle to the grave.” He didn’t oppose the Beveridge Report but wouldn’t commit himself to implementing it, and privately called Beveridge “a windbag and a dreamer.” 

That left Labour in a position to campaign as the party that would put the report–”the full Beveridge”–into practice, and in the first election after the war Labour won a big honkin’ majority: 393 seats to the Conservatives 197. Labour was a socialist party at this point (it no longer is) and on the first day the new parliament met, its MPs sang (or in some tellings, bellowed) the socialist anthem, “The Red Flag.” 

The link will take you to the song if you can’t go on without hearing it. This version is sung, not bellowed, which is a bit more important than being shaken not stirred.

Once he was prime minister, Atlee threw his weight behind the creation of a welfare state–a huge undertaking, including not just medical care but housing, education, and financial assistance to the unemployed, retired, and disabled.

“We had not been elected to try to patch up an old system but to make something new,” he said. “I therefore determined that we would go ahead as fast as possible with our programme.”

The program also included the construction of housing and the nationalization of key industries. Railroads and coal mines were “so run down,” as the Britannica puts it, “that any government would have had to bring them under state control. In addition, road transport, docks and harbours, and the production of electrical power were nationalized. There was little debate. The Conservatives could hardly argue that any of these industries, barring electric power, was flourishing or that they could have done much differently.”

I should probably stop here and say what will be obvious to some people and not at all to others: there’s no single definition of socialism that all socialists agree on. I think a fair summary of this version is that key industries were nationalized and the state was responsible for supporting people’s overall welfare. It was a form of socialism that coexisted with capitalism.

But let’s go back to the end of the war. The country was well past its eyeballs in debt and Keynes had warned earlier that the country faced a “financial Dunkirk.” It had borrowed massively to fund its role in the war (a lot of it from the US), and wartime industries like aviation were bigger than it now needed while basic industries like coal and railroads needed serious repair–which is to say, investment. As the Britannica (again) puts it, “With nothing to export, Britain had no way to pay for imports or even for food.”

Loans from the US and Canada helped the country get through a short stretch. The Marshall Plan got them through another stretch of time. But food continued to be rationed, and the fifties were a pretty gray time for the country.

In that situation, how were they going to pay for this massive investment in a welfare state? At least part of the answer was the National Insurance Bill–an extension of a system put in place before World War I–which had working-age people paying in every week specifically to support the benefits everyone in the country could draw on. (Married women who worked didn’t pay in, but don’t worry, they suffered enough inequalities to more than make up for it.)  

 

The NHS

In 1948, the National Health Service was launched, under the leadership of Aneurin–called Nye–Bevan, the minister of health. 

Bevan had started work as a miner at 13 and chaired his miners’ lodge at 19. He also chaired the local Medical Aid Society, a system that had members paying in and getting healthcare in return. Initially, this didn’t include miners’ families. During his tenure, membership expanded to include non-miners,until 95% of the town was eligible. This became his blueprint. 

“All I am doing is extending to the entire population of Britain the benefits we had in Tredegar for a generation or more,” he said. “We are going to ‘Tredegarise’ you.” 

The NHS was set up to help everyone, and care would be free and based on need, not ability to pay. “A free health service is pure socialism,” he said, “and as such is opposed to the hedonism of capitalist society.” 

Opposition came from the Conservative Party, the British Medical Association, and the right-wing newspapers.

Okay, historians argue about whether the Conservatives belong on the list. Their 1945 manifesto backed health services available to all citizens but didn’t commit to it being free. At any rate, they voted against Bevan’s version of the NHS and compared it to Nazism. That probably makes it fair to say they opposed it.

No one argues over whether doctors opposed the plan, at least as a group. Bevan claimed he won them around by “stuffing their mouths with gold”– allowing consultants to treat paying patients privately and still work inside the NHS. He later claimed he’d been “blessed by the stupidity of my enemies.”

 

And now?

I’d hoped to take you through a bit of more recent NHS history, but I dipped a toe into that water and just about drowned. Now that I’m back on the couch, safe and dry, I’ll risk nothing more than the most superficial of summaries. The NHS is immensely popular–basically, it’s the national religion–and most people find the idea of medicine for profit both shocking and counter-intuitive. But profit has crept into the system, and for the moment at least, socialism has been pushed to the political fringes. 

I’ve lived in Britain for 18 years and seen the NHS reorganized in assorted ways, all of them disastrous. Huge chunks have been privatized so one corporation or another could make a profit by running it as cheaply as possible, all in the name of efficiency, but somehow, magically, it all gets less and less efficient. At the moment, the NHS is suffering from years of underfunding. Waiting lists are long, jobs can’t be filled, and nurses and doctors are leaving the system to work somewhere–anywhere–else. 

With the next election predicted to return a huge Labour majority, I’d like to think the problems will be fixed–or at least addressed in some way that serves the public interest–but I’m doubtful. The current party leadership has been telling us we can’t expect much from them and I’m inclined to think they’re telling the truth. 

Still, for all its problems–and they’re many–the NHS is a magnificent thing: a system that makes healthcare free at the point of delivery, as the saying here goes. I’m originally from the US, so I’ve seen what the alternative looks like. A for-profit system is primarily interested in, um, making money, so what matters is whether a person can pay. US healthcare can and does bankrupt even the comfortable and well insured. It neglects the poor and milks the rich and–oh, hell, I could go on but you get the point. Both systems have their problems, but I much prefer the problems of a socialized system.

*

Now that Labour’s taken distance from any suggestion of socialism, I wondered if it had also taken distance from its old song, “The Red Flag.” Apparently not. Its 2022 party conference made headlines when the delegates sang it. The song opens with the words, “The people’s [or “workers’,” depending on the version you choose–and probably your politics] flag is deepest red / It’s shrouded oft our martyred dead.” A parody runs, “The people’s flag is deepest pink / It’s not as red as you might think.”

And with that I’ll leave you for the week. Stay well out there, people. It’s not safe to get sick.