Let’s take a break from English history and catch up with life, politics, and any random thing that comes our way. 

 

Why we call the emergency services number

Britain has an emergency services number, 999, that lets callers reach the police, fire, ambulance, and Coast Guard services. Lots of countries have something along these lines, and it’s great. It keeps people from having to think too hard when they’re too frantic to think straight.

So what sort of emergencies drive us to call?

Funny you should ask. In August, a man called and asked for the police because he’d bought a four-pack of non-alcoholic gin and tonic. He’d asked the store for a refund but they refused because he’d already poured the contents of one can down his throat. 

The caller explained that he’d offered to pay for that one but the answer was still no. That’s why he called the cops.

“I’m really angry,” he told the emergency operator, “so I’ll get arrested… because I’m not having it. I’ve just paid them six quid for non-alcoholic gin and tonic…. Is it possible to send a police car or something?”

Well, no, the operator said. It wasn’t the kind of thing the police handled, and no again, the operator said he couldn’t endorse the idea of shoplifting a four-pack of alcoholic gin and tonic.

End of story, except that the emergency services released a recording of the call. Officially it’s to convince the public to be more sensible about calling 999, but I suspect it’s really because they couldn’t resist. 

 

Making Britain Great Again

It’s been a year of anti-immigrant sentiment here in Britain. Hating immigrants is getting as respectable as antisemitism was before World War II took some of the fun out of it. The major political parties are all wrestling to see who can sound toughest on immigration and immigrants.

I started out saying “a year of anti-immigrant sentiment,” but I chose the time period at random. It fit the sentence. The time period isn’t the point. The attitude is, along with what grows out of it. To take one lone example, in Northern Ireland all hell broke loose after an immigrant attacked a non-immigrant with a knife. The immigrant’s been charged with attempted murder. 

The footage went viral, though, and Elon Musk multiplied the outrage on the platform formerly known as Twitter. Anti-immigrant groups also used social media, encouraging people to target the homes of refugees and asylum seekers. Crowds gathered and shouted, “Foreigners out.” Houses were burned. Doors and windows were broken. People fled their homes, carrying nothing but the clothes they wore. Anyone with brown skin–immigrant or native-born–was a target. 

At least 76 families were left homeless. Others were afraid to go out while mobs were rampaging through the streets.

You’d think no British-born white guy ever tried to murder anyone. Or succeeded, for that matter.

I could cite example after example of an immigrant doing something despicable–or allegedly doing it–and the right wing mobilizing, making noises about protecting women, protecting children, protecting society. Social media goes into high gear as if no native-born white guy ever threatened women, children, or society. Various levels of violence and intimidation follow. 

For two of the riots, Belfast and Southampton, guess where the largest X accounts stirring up that unrest were based: 55% of them were based outside the UK, many of them in the US.  

You might’ve already figured this out, but if your feet are planted on British soil, the US is abroad, and abroad is where foreigners come from. 

I’m a foreigner myself. I know these things. 

So the Foreigners Out campaign is being stirred up by–yes, folks–foreigners. The ultra right in the US is reaching out to Britain. So far no one’s proposed making it the 52nd state or renaming the English Channel, but don’t rule either one out.

According to Dr. Julia Ebner, a researcher at the Institute for Strategic Dialogue and the University of Oxford, “They are using the UK as a negative example, smearing the UK to promote their own narratives of western civilisational decay or social collapse. But the other purpose is to influence UK politics, and European politics more widely,” to “promote a strong, strengthened far-right wave across the world.” 

 

Okay, that was depressing. Got any good news?

A bit, yes. In Belfast, groups that normally work with immigrant communities, including food banks and interpreter support groups, used WhatsApp to organize help for people under attack. More than 200 people were involved, and many of them walked into riot zones to help people to safety.

As someone who was involved put it, messages were “coming in as fast as people could pick them up. And even then, when we were downtown collecting people, we were then also being asked to go somewhere else, you know, to pick somebody else up.

“There’s a lift needed to take somebody to work, lift needed to take somebody into the hospital for a shift. There’s somebody coeliac, no food in the house, pick up such and such at an address.”

 

Meanwhile, forgive me if I gloat

Reform UK, one of Britain’s anti-immigrant parties, took control of a number of local governments in the last elections and it’s struggling to survive its success. In May, a councillor was elected to the Newcastle-under-Lyme Borough Council and in August she sent in a letter of resignation, saying she’d gotten “very little or no training for this role.”

Proving her point, she sent her letter to the wrong town council. 

By the time the letter found its way to the right hands, she’d decided not to resign. 

There’s no mechanism for councillors to withdraw their resignations once they’ve been received, but since her resignation came after its withdrawal, she continues to serve.

I’m sure her constituents are grateful.

 

Helping out the old folks

Elderly Aids, a company that sold (and may still sell–I’m not sure) gizmos to protect the elderly, doddering, and vulnerable from nuisance calls, has been fined £190,000 for–yes–making nuisance calls. But it gets better. They were calling people who signed up to a government list saying they didn’t want to receive nuisance calls. Probably on the theory that it was a list of the elderly, doddering, and vulnerable. Who would have more need of their product?

Apologies if I’ve offended anyone with that elderly, doddering business. I turned 367last week, so I’ve earned the right to make fun of the elderly. I say “doddering and vulnerable” with the greatest of respect. Some of my best friends . . .

Let’s move on.

What the company sold (and presumably still sells) was a piece of equipment that cost £139 upfront, and for the privilege of using it customers paid (or still pay) £6.99 a month. Or at least that’s what one elderly and possibly befuddled man was convinced to part with.

The company has been accused of making almost 800,000 cold calls to sell its equipment and services. Some of the complaints say the callers were aggressive and misleading. 

Given my age and experience, I’m able to offer advice, free, on how to handle aging: get a guard dog and teach it to answer the phone.